white on white

Over the last week we got hit with 2 snow storms. The first came on Friday, when of course, Billy had to go back to work. Even if it's a state of emergency, he HAS to go in...people need electricity, especially when they're snowed in. The second storm came on Tuesday night and lasted til the wee hours of Thursday. Wednesday, my classes were canceled and Billy was off, so we just enjoyed being snowed in together for the day. I did a lot of cleaning and organizing, while he watched tv and napped on the couch. As much as i hate the inconvenience of snow, i thoroughly enjoyed our snow day. At several times during the day, Billy asked me why i was sitting in front of the window just staring off, and honestly, I just liked looking at the passing traffic and how different everything looked with a soft white blanket on top. Around 10pm on wednesday we decided to go out and clear off our cars since I had 2 tests the next day, and we wanted to get as much done before the snow started to harden. It didn't take us too long, since we borrowed a shovel from the back of the maintenance truck. We got about 18 inches of snow (give or take and inch or two), and in the half hour we were out there, I completely reverted to childhood. I had this overwhelming feeling that i NEEDED to climb up to the top of the giant pile of plowed snow, and then i ran and just fell into the still untouched areas. It was a lot of fun, especially at night. It was dark, but oddly bright for 10pm...and there also were no other people (or children) around to invade our funland. When we came in, we mentioned going out again to play before I had to go to school, but he slept all day, and it just didn't seem as appealing when i got up. I was sad that the snow stopped, which is odd because I generally do not care for it. I think I was sad that I didn't have another day off, and soon the pretty white snow would be transformed into a soggy mess of brown and grey soot-coated snow. I almost wished that it was completely melted away when I got up because everything just looks dirty when the snow begins to melt. It was nice while it lasted...BRING ON SPRING!

Understanding in a car crash?

On Tuesday nights, Billy bowls in a league. Since I'm off from school at the moment, I've been going with him to hang out and watch him play. This past Tuesday (Jan 5), we left the bowling alley around 11:45 to head home, I was driving because Billy had imbibed a few beverages this evening and I had not. Approximately a quarter mile down the road, I watched the car in front of me drift off the side of the road, slam into a telephone pole, and continue forward into a second telephone pole. A key detail here is that at no point during this even, did the vehicle signal or apply the breaks. In a panic, the only phrases I managed to get out of my mouth was "OH MY GOD!" and "WHAT SHOULD I DO?!" Billy screamed at me to pull over and he ran like hell up to the car and called 911. Car parts were all over the road. Our immediate intuition was that this was a drunk driver, probably kids younger than us, but this was not the case. In fact, it was an older man who Billy recognized from the bowling alley, but did not know his name. Shortly after, another car pulled over to offer assistance, and it happened to be a state vehicle with lights on top which helped oncoming traffic slow down. Within 10 minutes, police and other emergency vehicle arrived on the scene. We're pretty sure that the man had a heart attack because he never put on his breaks to slow down- even after hitting the first pole, and incidentally taking down at least 2 mail boxes. They got the man onto a stretcher and into the ambulance, which sat there with the man inside for at least a half hour. Apparently, they did not think the man was going to make it, and were trying to stabilize him. If he had died, it would have changed the whole situation and the kinds of reports that needed to be taken. We were kept there by the police until just after 1am, and they asked if we could come by the police station at 9am to file a witness report. We were exhausted, but were absolutely willing to help in any way.

It's funny how we're conditioned to respond to police. Billy and I both knew we'd done nothing wrong, and were in fact contributing helpful information to an awful situation, but the two of us were so nervous talking to the police. They spoke to us separately, but when we were leaving and comparing our experiences, we discussed how nervous we felt. I guess that's the persona they're aiming to achieve, intimidating and authoritative. We found out that the man was still alive and at a hospital, but they couldn't give us any further details. The next day, we found out from people who also bowl in the league that the man was in a coma. We haven't heard anything since, but we're hope in the best.

While we were sitting in our car, watching the police do their jobs and the paramedics removed the man from the car, Billy expressed guilt saying something to the effect of "if I had run faster and called 911 faster, they could have gotten him out of there sooner and maybe he'd be better off". Still stunned from the overall circumstances, I knew I had to stop the guilt before it manifested into a monster. We did everything that we knew to do. We could have driven past the accident, not called 911, and pretended nothing happened- we wouldn't have known anything about who it was and what caused it. Had we not done anything, then we would be the rightful owners of a guilt monster, but that is not the case. There is no way to prepare yourself for some of the unbelievable things that you are going to experience, and thus it's impossible to hold yourself accountable when you're simply running on instincts and guts.

review? resolution?

Well, in all it's cliche'd glory, 2009 has come and gone. It was a good year. I'm not going to go month by month, but i'll talk about some major moments.

February- Me and Billy's 1 year. We're winding down on year 2...and I foresee a lot of anniversaries in our future.
March- Only a select few know about the huge loss my family experienced, but it was an unbelievable gift for another family. I don't think I'll ever forget about this, and there are times when I'm filled with sadness, but I can't let the sadness outweigh the gift this was for that family.
April- I turned 25 and we moved out into our own apartment. Best birthday present ever. Unfortunately, Billy had to go to training in Ohio for a week and left on my birthday, so I was left alone in our apartment for the first week "we" were living here. It was sad to be alone, but it was just a week alone. I'm pretty sure that we're going to re-sign our lease for another year here.
May- Completed my first year back in college. I'd only taken 2 classes each semester, but I did very well. I think I needed to see myself succeed, even if only in small increments, in order to be motivated to really push forward.
August/September- I no longer work at the school, but I was given the amazing opportunity to put my focus on college and take a full course load. The success I had in my first two semesters back in college gave me no reason to doubt my future success.
October- Billy turned 26. He never let people fuss over him, but I made sure he had a great birthday. Also(!), Emma included us in Mama D's surprise birthday party. I was able to have a night with some of my closest friends and got to talk to some amazing people.
November/December- We bought our first Christmas tree, and we each put our own touch on it. We ate so many delicious home-cooked meals. Most importantly, we completely over-indulged in some good, quality family time...I don't think anyone can deny how healthy and important this is.
I don't remember exactly when this happened, but it's equally noteworthy- I reconnected with Donna. We're both spending more quality time together and are back to how we used to be- before college and boyfriends and nonsense got in the way.
- I began blogging again. It's a great outlet, and apparently, people claim to enjoy what I have to say.

I usually make a resolution and am great at keeping it, but I haven't been able to come up with a good one for 2010 (trust me, i've been thinking). I think this year I'm going to focus on life changes. Short of a disaster, I will graduate in December. At this point, it's not so much a goal, but is moreso a date. It's going to happen. I can't think of any reason why it's not going to happen. So I'm not going to be cheap and say that my resolution is to graduate because it's going to happen. I'm going to work on saving my money and effectively planning for my/our future. I don't have a lot of money, but I certainly know how to spend it. I want to try different recipes, cook more often and read more.

The past year has been great, and the next year holds nothing but opportunities. Bad things may happen to people, but how one handles what is dealt to them is how all situations differ. I'm hoping to have a lot of wonderful experiences, but I also hope that if someone lousy should happen, that I am able to learn from it and move forward possitively...not fixate on the past. I hope the same for anyone that reads this. Spend time with your family. Cherish your friends. Happy New Year!

Vindicated

This morning I had to take a final in Sociology of Death. I've talked about this class and how people consistently came in excessively late. Well the professor has a rule that no one may come in and take the test after the first person has finished. So basically the class began at 9:30, at 9:35 all of the exams were passed out, by 9:50 people began to hand in their completed exams and so no one would be allowed to enter and take the exam (the FINAL exam) thereafter. Well, as I was walking out of the building I passed a girl who was ALWAYS late, if she even showed up to class, and she had not yet taken the exam. While it is unfortunate that she was too late to take the exam, my sympathy ends there. Why would you sign up for a 9:30 AM class if you plan on showing up at 10am every week? She came late all the time, and then was easily annoyed by the professor. This class is an elective, which means YOU DON'T HAVE TO TAKE IT! If you're going to be late every single class, and you can't even manage to make it to the test on time, the professor doesn't owe you any favors. good luck, tardy!

[He] didn't make me miserable, or anxious, or ill at ease. You know, it sounds boring, but it wasn't.

It made sense to pool our collective loathing for the opposite sex, and while we were at it, you get to share a bed with somebody at the same time. We were frightened of being left alone for the rest of our lives. Only people of a certain disposition are frightened of being alone for the rest of their lives at the age of 26, and we were of that disposition.

Both of those quotes (the title and above) are from High Fidelity (the movie, not the book- which I've yet to read, but is apparently better than the movie...*shocking*) The jist of the movie, if you've never seen it, is that John Cusack's character was just dumped and in a therapeutic way is reconnecting with his "top 5" breakups to figure out what went wrong and what it all meant. Ultimately, he realizes that his most recent girlfriend, Laura, is who he wants to be with. I'm not going to spoil the ending, in case you're planning on seeing it (which i highly recommend), but the point of my post is not to summarize a movie. And my intentions are not to review a film that is nearly 10 years old. I am going to talk about the quote i started this with (not the title) in reference to life.

Earlier today i spoke to one of my friends on the phone, I won't say who because that's not the important part (even though she is a very important person). She's been dating people for the past few years and is distressed because she still hasn't found "the one". I know that i'm obviously biased because I am coming up on 2 years with Billy, and we have discussed our long-term plans together. And in addition, a number of my friends are in committed long-term relationships. So anyway, my friend had been in a number of "serious" relationships, none of which really turned into anything and she is currently single. She's dated a bunch of people, but none of them turned into anything serious, and I'm afraid she's scaring them off. Coincidentally, she's been dating a lot of people who've just gotten out of long relationships, so most of them aren't really ready for anything serious right yet. I kind of feel like she puts the fate of her future in every guy she dates, like every single guy has the potential of being "the one". I guess it's kind of a valid argument, but at the same time I think she's subconsciously rushing these relationships to the comfort-zones that people settle into once they've been together for a while- not just 2 or 3 months.

None of my friend's (more recent) relationships have gone past the "dating" stage into the "boyfriend/girlfriend" titles, and I think they're getting scared off. She has these big plans for when she does begin dating someone that they'll date for a few years, get married at or around age 30, and then have children. I can understand where these "plans" come from, she went to college, went to grad school, got a job, so what's next? Logically, the only thing left is a relationship, picket fence, 2.5 children, etc. I think a lot of people have plans like these, I know I moreorless do, but I've also learned that things don't always happen in a distinct order and time limit...especially things that we only have partial control over. It's taking me nearly 8 years to complete my bachelors degree, and I still have a full year left! What I'm getting at is that while it's very important to set goals and limits for yourself, you have to be able to allow for some deviation when you don't have control over the outcome. What happens if you don't reach your goal? Douglas Adams couldn't have said it any better, "I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by". To say that you want to be married by 30 or have 2.5 kids by 30 or to whatever by whatever age may be a good estimate for how you see your future, but you can't hold yourself to those ages because it's dependent upon other people and unforeseen circumstances that are inevitably going to come up in your future. I guess what I'm trying to say is that goals are great, but you also have to live spontaneously. Don't freak out if you're 24 and single because you're still young and have a world of opportunity ahead of you.

remember me???

I know it's been about 2 weeks since i've even shown my presence, but i really haven't posted anything substantial in a long time. I don't have a good excuse. Yeah, i've got a lot going on with school, and it was just Thanksgiving, but I've had a lot of down time.

The past couple weeks, Billy and I have been at each other's throats! I think we're over that now, but let me tell you how frustrating it was. I can absolutely attribute it to our lack of communicating during this time. Four out of five of my classes meet at night and Billy works shifts. Last week he was on nights, which meant that he was sleeping during the day time, which was the only time we were really home together. So, we weren't really just hanging out together like we usually do and most of our communicating was done via text message, which we all know is not the greatest way to talk to someone.

I have to admit, that I am also at fault for the bickering. I'm guilty. I don't know what exactly led me to feel this way, but I've been feeling very bored. I don't want to sit in and hang out at home all the time, like we've been doing. Billy gets exhausted and worn out from working shifts, so when he's home he really just wants to kick back and relax. I understand that, and I've tried to be accomodating, especially since we're not rolling around in money and going out costs money. Lately, I'm just antsy to get out. We haven't gone away together since we've been dating and sometimes it's nice to go and stay over in a hotel- not have to clean up, make the bed, cook, etc. It's nice to be taken care of, and I think I'm usually the one who is taking care of others. Don't get me wrong, Billy takes extremely good care of me, and I know that he does everything with me in mind. I guess since I'm not working, and my classes are at night that I've got all this free time and I'm getting bored, and I'm taking it out on the one person who thinks about me before he even thinks about himself.

We did talk about this, and both acknowledged what we've done or not done and I think that's a really important detail in this rambling. All couples experience frustration from one another and bicker and argue and blow things out of proportion (guilty as charged!), but it's definitely not something that's beyond the realm of control. It's probably going to happen again, but it's not worth giving up over. I'm not happy that we get into squabbles over little things, but I am glad that we always reach a resolution without having to feel like we've given in just to appease one another.

so good

artistic endeavors

What can I say? I've just had so much school work that I haven't had time or really felt compelled to write lately. I don't want to get burned out and force myself to write here, I prefer it as more of an outlet or catharsis when I feel necessary.

In semi-interesting news (to me), I have a test on Thursday morning which I referenced in this post. (that's not the interesting part) My professor has a rule that no one can enter the class once the first person has left, so if you come in after someone has already completed the exam and left, then you're out of luck. I happen to appreciate this rule in more ways than most others probably do. He commented on the lack of parking at school, which I will agree is a serious problem, but then went on to say that the earlier you get there, the more parking spots are available. It seems to be a pretty obvious logic. So, if you want to be sure that you'll get to school on time to take the test, you should probably get there early...duh! I'm glad that he at least made the comment to the entire class, unfortunately, the frequent offenders came in after he'd said it...go figure!

On Friday I am going to be painting a ceiling. My mom's friend (and my former co-worker)'s brother asked if I could paint a sky on his ceiling. I'm pretty sure I'm going to do something similar to The Quarter in the Tropicana in Atlantic City. (sorry, couldn't find a better image) I'm pretty excited, this will be my second paid artistic endeavor. But, to be completely honest, I don't really feel right being paid more than what my supplies cost. I never considered myself to be more than just creative. I'll openly admit that I'm awesome at arts and crafts projects, but would never give myself the title of an artist. Fortunately for me, other people do and are interested in my work! My dad, who is always the last to acknowledge anything (simply because he's oblivious) also requested that I paint the downstairs bathroom in my parents' house. Freelance painting could prove to be a good time filler and maybe make a little money here and there. We shall see.

It seems as though I've got a potpourri of skills, if only I could arrange them into some sort of career.

bloggers block

As you may or may not have noticed, it's been a little while since I last posted. This can be attributed to a few different things, being busy with school, not having anything to write about, and a fun-filled birthday weekend. Friday was my wonderful boyfriend's 26th birthday, and Saturday was Joanne's Birthday as well.
So Friday night Billy's friends and Joanne's friends went out to Fox and Hound, for dinner and drinks. I'd never been there, but I would definitely go again. I love pubs, good beer, and unhealthy pub foods. An added bonus was that they had the Rutgers game on about 5 million screens, not that I'm an avid sports fan, but still a treat no less. There were probably about 15 of us there, and what's great about this pub is that its huge, so it wasn't an issue for us to hang out for a few hours. It can get a little annoying when you go to a restaurant on a friday night and it seems like they're rushing you to eat, drink and leave. We stayed til about 11:30 and then headed home for the night. Now that we're getting older, we don't stay til last call (as often).

Saturday we relaxed on the couch most of the day (note- Billy slept til about 2pm, and I relaxed on the couch). For dinner, we went to Arirang with Billy's mom, step-dad, his sister and her girlfriend. We love it there, but since it's on the pricey side we don't go very often, so it was an extra special treat for his parents to take us out. Dinner was of course delicious and entertaining, as well as very hot! After dinner, we came back to our apartment for some cake that Billy's mom brought over from Mendoker's bakery. His mom is really smart, and rather than getting 1 type of cake, she brought a sample box of about 8 different cakes so we could have whatever kind we wanted. It was a really nice night, and everyone left around 10ish. We crashed shortly after.

I really want to see Where the Wild Things Are, so hopefully we'll do that today. If not, I still have not gone pumpkin picking, so maybe we'll do that instead. Either way, nothing serious is planned for today. I've got an exam tomorrow evening and another on Tuesday so I have some reading/studying to do. Should be a good lazy sunday.

gagaloo

I love Lady Gaga. I don't care what anyone has to say about it. Fin.

punctuality

I hope that this blog doesn't turn into a rag filled with pet peeves and this really bothers me's, but I feel it's necessary to discuss something that simply put, really bothers me. As the title says, punctuality, but I'll be more specific. Mondays and Thursdays I have my only morning class, Sociology of Death. All of my other classes are evening/night times, and I was apprehensive about taking a morning class because of the commute (rush hour on the parkway is not fun). In addition, I prefer night classes because the older students tend to take the classes more seriously and actually want to be there, but that's a separate issue. However, this was the only section and I really wanted to take it (and it fulfilled and upper-level elective). The class starts at 9:30 AM, and I leave at 8 because the half-hour commute usually ends up taking about an hour and parking at Kean is less than commuter-friendly, for a predominantly commuter school, but I digress (AGAIN). I usually have about 15 minutes to spare by the time I park, and I like having that time because it allows me to look over my notes from the last class or whatever readings were assigned- yes, I know I'm extremely nerdy! That 15 minute buffer also allows for any additional traffic I may encounter, which has happened a few times so far. Regardless, I know that leaving an hour and a half prior to the start of my class seems a little excessive, but out of respect of my professor and other classmates I think it's very important to arrive to class on time.

This morning's class was looking very empty at 9:28, when the professor arrived. I even commented to the girl sitting next to me that maybe some people had dropped the course after receiving our test scores in the last class. People continued to trickle in until about 10:00. THAT'S A FULL HALF HOUR LATE! The class only goes until 10:45, how can you miss 30 minutes of that?! Not only that, but it's extremely distracting to be listening to a lecture and have the door creek open and have someone shuffle in across the entire classroom where they proceed to unzip their bag and do whatever else I'd already done before the class even started. I can't help but stare as they disrupt the entire group of focused students. I remember as early as middle school that we would receive an "unprepared" in a class if we did not hand in our assignments by the start time. I understand that there are always going to be legitimate excuses for these lates, and the teacher probably doesn't care one way or the other what the reason is, but I'm referring to consistent offenders. Last week in my World Literature course, a woman walked in with 10 minutes left. She is late every week, and her arrival time is only getting later and later. Why would you even show up for 10 minutes?! In my opinion, that's worse than not showing up at all. That can't possibly count the same for attendance as those of us who were there the entire time. (Yes, at Kean most classes have attendance policies)

I don't know why it is so difficult to be on time. When I was at Rutgers, I had a professor who would lock the door when he started class so that anyone who was late would not be allowed to come in...and this was in a lecture hall! I don't know if this extreme is necessary, because as I said, there are exceptions, but there has to be a happy medium that gets the point across effectively. I always try to arrive at least 15 minutes early (wherever I'm going) because I'm aware that if I'm late it can mess up someone else's schedule and I don't want to be the cause for delays or distractions. I remember when I was younger, my mom was always able to get my family places on time, and very often it would be just her and the four of us (my 2 sisters and brother). Whether we were going to a doctor appointment or a family get-together, we were always on time. If my mother could do it with 4 young children, then no one else has an excuse to being a repeat offender. I always get to my appointments early, and if there is an extraneous circumstance, I'll call (when calling is an option).

I wonder how it feels to be a person who is perpetually late. The people who stroll in on their own time seem indifferent to the fact that they're disrupting the lecture in progress. I am really turned off by blatant disregard of others. Unfortunately, the people who should read this probably never will.

In other news, I ordered an ipod touch today. I have no good reason for this, other than really wanting one. This is my treat to myself, and will probably be the last for a while.

we finally did it

Since we moved in (back in April), we've had some "issues" with the people that live above us. I believe there are 2 adults and a child, although I'm not sure the child is always there. First and foremost, they stomp around at all hours of the day and night. I understand that we live in an apartment building and it's going to be noisy at times, but let me tell you, our neighbors to the right have 2 young children and we NEVER hear them. Also, on at least 5 different occasions, they've tossed their dirty laundry off of their porch onto the grass below and then 10 minutes later they'll drive up to the curb and collect their laundry. Almost everyday they can be heard SCREAMING at each other. I'm never able to make out what is being said, but I can assure you it is not nice. We do our fair share of shouting, but it is nothing like these people. Last but not least, they have dance parties on a regular basis. I'm all for dance parties and having a good time, but in all fairness they should be considerate of their neighbors.

We haven't complained at all, mostly because I didn't want to make enemies right away. I don't know how long we're going to live in this apartment, but it's probably going to be for at least another year beyond our initial 1 year lease. The other reason is that I didn't know if other people had similar issues with the people above them. I don't know how much people can hear through the walls here, so I really just didn't want to start any trouble.

WELL, we reached our breaking point on Thursday night. I will admit that neither of us had to be up in the morning and we were enjoying a quiet evening on the couch, and Billy's friend Josh was over as well. Around 10pm, we heard a lot of commotion in the hallway and when we opened the door to check it out, there was no one there. The noise we were hearing was coming from upstairs- we knew this was only the start. The noise then traveled into the apartment above us. There was loud music, a loud tv, people talking (loudly), stomping, dancing, dropping things (loudly), etc. I probably would not have gotten as angry as I did, but it was a week night and all I could think about was the 6 months that we've gone without saying anything. So we finally called in a complaint about the people upstairs, anonymously of course. I don't know if anything will result from this, but I can't imagine that we're the only people who've complained about them.

Today they were fighting the worst we've heard so far. There was a loud bang followed by about 20 minutes of screaming. I hope there's no serious issues with those people, but I just wish they could be considerate of the people around them

EXCELling

I think I've figured out why it is taking me so damn long to finish college. The fact that schools charge thousands of dollars in tuition, yet we (the students, paying customers) are required to take various core courses, even if they are not directly related to your major. Yes, I know that these courses are low levels and are only to give you a well-rounded education, but it is still extremely discouraging. For example, I am taking a computer class. It happens to be the second one I've taken during my college career. My professor is (for some unknown reason) teaching the course as if all of the students are accounting or business majors. We just did a unit on Microsoft Excel (which I do not use because I use the Mac version), and everything that we were required to do was directed towards accounting spreadsheets. I can say with 100% certainty that I will never be an accountant. Math is one of my weakest areas. Knowing how to create an amortization table will most likely never be a benefitial piece of information for me...not to mention that if I ever need one, there are free templates for things like that. I hate being forced to do things that do not directly relate to my goal. I'd much rather take an extra psych or sociology course and gain more pertinent information, instead, I have to take a nonsense class in order to simply fulfill a meaningless requirement. I really think that the core curriculum should be modified for each major.

Today Donna, Joanne and I visited Delicious Orchards. I need to remember that this is open all year, and not just during autumn. They have the best apple cider, and delicious apple cider donuts. I also bought some cranberry apple cider, which i'm drinking as we speak. It's probably my new favorite drink. It's not too sweet, and a little tart, but it's perfect. I'm curious to try warming it up with a little cinnamon. I'll let you know how it is when I get around to trying it.

After dropping Donna home, Joanne and I went on a 3 hour tour of the Christmas Tree Shop for some bargain hunting and impulse buys. I didn't do too much damage, mostly bought stuff that we actually needed, and a few nic-nacks that I wanted. As I've previously stated, I'm very excited for the upcoming holidays and was looking for some seasonal decorations. They had a ton, but I refrained from buying too much. I'm really looking forward to Christmas time and having our first tree together, which means that I'm going to have to start accumulating ornaments. I think the best word to describe my feelings is "excited", even if it is becoming somewhat redundant in this blog. I'm looking ahead into the near future and there's just so much I'm looking forward to reporting on. You, my adoring audience, will, of course, get all of the (mundane) details.

look around, leaves are brown...

For the first time in many years, I am embracing the change of seasons. Typically, autumn has been a huge source of anxiety for me, probably because of returning to school after summer break paired with the unavoidable return of the cold. I am not particularly fond of winter, mainly because it is so cold and I find snow to be especially obnoxious. But this year I am trying to be more optimistic. I'm getting excited about seasonal recipes. I'm anticipating the holiday seasons (Halloween, Thanks Giving, Christmas, etc), and I'm trying to find ways to be excited about these annual events in order to distract me from the lack of warmth. I'm am looking forward to being able to stay warm under my blankets and not having to get up for work every morning. As the days go by, it's also fun to gradually reincorporate my sweater collection into my daily wardrobe.

I have a new found optimistic view on life. I've been unemployed for a month and it has proven to be the best unexpected change in recent years. Virtually everyone I've talked to has commented and agreed with that. Emma* had commented about her old job that there were certain aspects that she could not improve or change, and it basically came down to having to accept the faults and just work around it. I think that was a big problem at my job as well. Every workplace has its issues, but I feel I was aboard a sinking ship. It was supposed to be a school, but it wound up being a business. There was a lack of accountability all around. Some teachers did outstanding lessons and tried an eclectic approach to best help their students learn. At the same time, other teachers do basically nothing above the bare minimum, refusing the modify their teaching habits or explore new methods. It was very discouraging to see such inconsistency being overlooked, and even ignored. Its just unfair. Some people break the rules and are not reprimanded, there is no follow-through regarding consequences for some people, but others are constantly ostracized for challenging the issues they are presented with. It has become a very unsupportive environment. People who work there can be categorized into 3 groups: 1. Loyal to the company because they've been there for so long, 2. Waiting for something better to come along, or 3. Lack substantial skills needed to be a public school teacher. It's sad because at the end of the day, the people who are most greatly affected by these teachers are the students...students who are already at an incredible disadvantage because of their special needs, and aren't receiving the education they deserve. I'm not trying to bash the school, a lot of this has to do with their inability to offer a pay competitive with public school salaries (generally about $10-15,000 less), so they aren't able to be as particular about who they hire. Even in this economy, their applicants are lackluster. The people at the top need to be held accountable for their actions. It's a commonality for the director to flat out lie or at best, offer partial information regarding changes in the company, which leaves the staff with many unanswered questions and thus rumors begin to spread. While employed there, I felt as though the staff was considered to be stupid and unworthy of getting the full story or information. I'm glad I'm done with that aspect of my life. I can only go up from where I'm at. I look forward to all of the exciting changes my future holds.

*You'll notice I've updated my links with my very good friend, Emma's blog. She's much more interesting and informative than she gives herself credit for. Even if you don't know her, it's a solid read ;)

in sickness and in health

Billy has told me several times what his idea of love is. I find it to be one of the most beautiful stories that anyone has ever told me. I think that everyone should have the privilege of hearing it as well, so I'm going to write it here.

A little background- Billy's grandfather and father both are named William. His grandfather was a marine and I've never heard a bad thing about the man. Billy has never been able to tell me a story about his grandfather without tearing up. His grandfather was as close to him as I was to my grandmother, so I'm able to relate to him very closely regarding an incredible loss.

After having a heart attack, Billy's grandfather wound up in a coma in the hospital. His (Billy's) grandmother was by his side at the hospital and took care of him until the end. She shaved him when he was scruffy because he was always a very well-put-together man and shaved daily. She wanted the family (and anyone else who came to see him) to see him as he would want to be seen. She loved him so much that even in a coma state she made it her only priority to do whatever he would have done on his own. So when Billy and his family visited at the hospital to say their final good-byes, their final memory of their grandfather, father, uncle, etc. was of how he was any other day. They never saw him looking differently. Because of her love for him, Billy's grandmother set aside her heartbreak, in an effort to preserve his memory for everyone else.

I know that he has used that image to set the bar for his own life and love. I think about that story very often, and while I don't want to imagine myself in similar circumstances, I would hope that I would handle myself in such a truly dignified fashion. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.

autumn divers

I'm a really big fan of seasonal recipes and cooking the fruits and vegetables that are locally grown, and readily available. I'm a huge pomegranate and cranberry fanatic. I found the most delicious pomegranate green tea, buried in with my stuff from work (which i've yet to unpack). It's made by The Republic of Tea and is totally worth the money. It has a really beautiful smell and the pomegranate adds just enough sweetness that it's delicious without adding anything to it. I've also been eating apples and dried cranberries like its my job, they are an excellent accent to almost anything i've been eating. I'm excited because Thanks Giving is coming up, and this will be the first year that Billy and I will have our own kitchen to cook in for the holiday. We're not going to change our family plans on the actual day, but we've been throwing around the idea of having some of our friends come over for a pre-thanks giving feast. His friends celebrate "Friendsgiving" every year with a pot-luck feast, which was fun, but I'd really like to cook up a meal and invite people to come and relax while I do my thing. We shall see about that. I'm very excited to start baking with apples and pumpkins, as I just melt from the scent of nutmeg and cinnamon. I definitely love the warmer weather better, but the autumn holiday season is such a good excuse to get together and cook and most importantly, eat! Plus, I get to wear all of my sweaters.

I'm really happy to be back in school. I was thinking earlier about how I have no idea where I went wrong with school. I'm not sure when or why exactly I fell so far behind, but ultimately I'm not losing sleep over this and frankly, I'm happy. Billy and I are wonderful, we're always laughing and having fun. Yes, we have our hiccups, but nothing that's set us back at all. I always comment on how it doesn't seem like most other couples have nearly as much fun as we do. I think thats incredibly important in a relationship. We take care of the serious stuff, all of our responsibilities, we talk about stuff that we need to, but we still joke and play around most of the time. If you can't have fun with someone, how the hell are you going to be able to do anything else with that person?

will you survive the zompocalypse?

This weekend Billy and I saw Zombieland with a bunch of his friends. It was probably the best movie of the year, and easily one of my favorite movies of all time. It was really funny, I was laughing out loud throughout the entire film (and that's rare). I would probably see it again...in the theaters. There's also a really good celebrity cameo. I'm not going to spoil any of the movie for you guys, but I highly recommend you see it.

After the movie ended, we were all talking outside the theater about how great the movie was and the guys got into a conversation about the Zompocalypse. They are all HUGE zombie fanatics, and part of me really thinks that they honestly believe that people will one day have to fight off zombies. My first Valentine's Day gift from Billy was The Zombie Survival Guide because I'm one of the people he hopes will survive. The boys all had their own plans on how they would survive, where they would go, what tools/weapons they would use, who they would try to save, etc. It was really funny and cute, but also someone disconcerning that they really do think about stuff like that. Boys will be boys.

Lovely Letters

Billy and I have gotten in the habit of writing each other little notes of encouragement and love letters. Because he's on shift work, and I have classes 4 nights each week, we don't have as much quality time with each other. I started doing it at first because he seemed to be bummed out and down on himself so I would sneak a note in with his lunch or hidden in whatever book he was currently reading because it always feels better to stumble upon something like that when you're least expecting it. Also, I'll tape a little note to the bathroom mirror when he's working nights for him to see when he first gets home in the morning. The other night he told me how much he likes being surprised by my notes and that he saves them all to reread when he's lonely at work or is feeling lousy. He keeps them hanging in the bathroom, or on the fridge, or wherever I stuck it...so if you ever see papers hanging throughout the apartment, that's what they are. He writes me notes too, one time we had a fight and i was taking a nap and woke up to a lengthy letter apologizing. Other times, he'll hide them on me like I try to do to him. I think our little notes to each other have really helped our relationship because it has only contributed to our wonderful communication, and sometimes it's easier to write things on paper. We both really like to make each other feel good, especially on days when we're not in the greatest moods.

this post was first written in my notebook, while waiting for class

I'll start off by stating that prior to the last 5 or so years, I rarely read for leisure- I've talked about this before. And again, I want to be the kind of person who reads for their own benefit because there's so many wonderful stories out there that the movies just can't do justice to. I'm working on this skill. I talk about reading as if it's a skill like knitting (which, by the by, I've learned how to do), and I guess in some regards it is. Some people can read quickly and retain all of the words, but I sometimes have to read a line several times before it sticks. I will also say that if I'm not sucked into a book within the first 25-50 pages, I'm probably never going to finish it. I'm okay with that because it's helping me to fine tune the genres and styles I prefer.

In high school (college too), whenever we read books, we had to write reflection papers or analyze the themes or symbolism. I got fairly good at being able to do this without ever really "reading" the books. I didn't like being "forced" to read, it seemed so taxing and time consuming. I still have some issues with analyzing the words of someone else, especially if the author is not around to verify such analysis as true or false. I digress. The point is, I feel that reading should be enjoyable, and I understand what my teachers were doing- I appreciate this, but in some respects it really backfired. After a few books and essays, I was able to pick up on key terms easily and areas I had difficulty with I looked to the internet for answers. Reading a book was equivalent to algebra- I did what I had to in order to get a passing grade, but I got NOTHING out of it. Maybe exposure to different works, but I don't recall more than a handful of books or stories that especially interested me.

While I'm still in college and still have assigned readings, it's different. The readings are interesting to me. I actually want to read. I'm finally getting something out of my assignments. I'm enjoying the reading, and it's so much less of a task. However, I still feel the need to discuss and reflect my feelings upon completing a book. I like the exchange of opinions.

Earlier today I finished reading Tuesdays with Morrie by Mitch Albom. I started reading it yesterday. It was assigned for my Sociology of Death course, and needs to be read by December 7th, I'm just about 2 months ahead and it barely took up any of my time. I will admit that I'd heard good things about the book, with regards to dealing with the loss of someone close. I tried to read from a different perspective, a social scientist. I found it incredibly interesting to read about the emotions and process of acceptance that Morrie, Albom as well as everyone else in Morrie's life went through. My first thought was how incredible this is. Death is someone fascinating to me, mainly because it is so difficult for me to comprehend- I think many people will agree with me here. I really struggle with faith, and I generally associate myself as an atheist, but I guess I'm open to anything (NOT Pascal's Wager though). While the book doesn't answer any questions about afterlife (I don't really contemplate this anymore), it really put me at rest with a lot of personal issues I had regarding the passing of my paternal grandmother, whom many of you know, I was VERY close to. Having said that, I don't think I want to go into those issues now.

I feel good that I've finished another book, I'm ahead of my reading for one class, and I learned of an incredibly inspiring story. I like true stories, even if the ending is sad and inevitable. I've got a lot of readings for my world literature (just read The Merchant of Venice and starting Gilgamesh), 2 sociology and 1 psychology courses, and I don't anticipate having too much free time to embark on another novel anytime soon. We'll see. I'm sure I'll feel compelled to write or talk about it, so I'm sure I'll be back here to compose my review.

guilty pleasure

I just have to tell everyone about one of my favorite guilty pleasures. About a year ago, maybe slightly less, a woman at work brought in some treats. Her husband works for Nestle and always sends lots of goodies. What's really cool about him is that he gets preview treats, unreleased candies that Nestle will be selling in the months to come. She let me try cranberry raisinets. I was instantly hooked! As an avid chocolate consumer, and someone who LOVES craisins, this was just the perfect combination! After a few months, I still had not seen them on the shelves in stores and was concerned that they had not passed through the market research period, but she informed me that they would be available in stores in the months to come...and then she brought me a whole bag full of them! I've stretched that supply to last me probably the last 6 months, and I've just finished it. I still have not seen them in stores, but alas, as a farewell gift, she filled a beautiful vera bradley tote bag with cranberry raisinets, baby ruths, and crunch bars! She is a wonderfully thoughtful woman, and I'll probably talking about her in the posts to follow.

*Please note, I have not been overindulging (or even indulging) myself on a regular basis, I plan to make that chocolate supply last me well into the upcoming year.

**Also note, cranberry raisonets are especially delicious when accompanied by a warm cup of tea.