singing songs from the balcony...

I'm currently blogging from my porch wearing short-sleeves, flip-flops, and rolled up jeans! Days like today are exactly what i need to defrost me from my winter hibernation! I've been feeling lousy the past few days, missed out on Jen's 25th birthday celebration in the city, and have been drinking Emergen-C like it's my job. I don't know if that stuff actually works or not, but maybe all i needed was peace of mind because it definitely made me feel better...or maybe it was all of the advil...whatever, it's breath-takingly beautiful out and I hope that the remaining snow melts away this week so that the fresh green grass can get it's show time. I just did a quick sweep-down of the porch, brushing away the dried-up leaves and pine-needles left behind from our first christmas tree. I'm excited to get my planters ready for our second planting season here, but I can't really decide what to plant. Definitely going to utilize the topsy-turvy again, but maybe this time i'll try growing bell peppers. I'm actually considering the possibility of purchasing a couple more and trying a different plant in each. So many options. While I wish I had a yard to start a legit garden, I'll use what I've got.

My semester is about half way through, and my excitement is building. I still need to meet with my advisor, but I'm 99% sure I only have 1 more semester of my undergraduate career left! December is really far away, but it's a hell of a lot closer than it used to be. I know time is going to fly! I think I've finally decided what I want to do with myself too! I'm leaning (heavily) towards becoming a school psychologist, which requires a masters degree. So, my tentative plans are as follows:

1. Graduate December 2010 with a B.A. in Psychology
2. Enter the Alternate Route program to acquire my teaching certificate
3. Eventually enter a Masters program for school psychology

I think this is a fairly reasonable plan, I haven't set any time restraints because frankly, i've never kept them in the past, and they proved to be more discouraging than anything.

Can i just comment again about how gorgeous it is right now! Just about 60, sunny, light breeze, and I'm actually getting pretty warm sitting directly under the sun. LOVE IT! I'm hoping the winter is done and we can turn our heat off for good, right now it's just turned as low as it goes. Windows are open. So wonderful to bring fresh air in.

white on white

Over the last week we got hit with 2 snow storms. The first came on Friday, when of course, Billy had to go back to work. Even if it's a state of emergency, he HAS to go in...people need electricity, especially when they're snowed in. The second storm came on Tuesday night and lasted til the wee hours of Thursday. Wednesday, my classes were canceled and Billy was off, so we just enjoyed being snowed in together for the day. I did a lot of cleaning and organizing, while he watched tv and napped on the couch. As much as i hate the inconvenience of snow, i thoroughly enjoyed our snow day. At several times during the day, Billy asked me why i was sitting in front of the window just staring off, and honestly, I just liked looking at the passing traffic and how different everything looked with a soft white blanket on top. Around 10pm on wednesday we decided to go out and clear off our cars since I had 2 tests the next day, and we wanted to get as much done before the snow started to harden. It didn't take us too long, since we borrowed a shovel from the back of the maintenance truck. We got about 18 inches of snow (give or take and inch or two), and in the half hour we were out there, I completely reverted to childhood. I had this overwhelming feeling that i NEEDED to climb up to the top of the giant pile of plowed snow, and then i ran and just fell into the still untouched areas. It was a lot of fun, especially at night. It was dark, but oddly bright for 10pm...and there also were no other people (or children) around to invade our funland. When we came in, we mentioned going out again to play before I had to go to school, but he slept all day, and it just didn't seem as appealing when i got up. I was sad that the snow stopped, which is odd because I generally do not care for it. I think I was sad that I didn't have another day off, and soon the pretty white snow would be transformed into a soggy mess of brown and grey soot-coated snow. I almost wished that it was completely melted away when I got up because everything just looks dirty when the snow begins to melt. It was nice while it lasted...BRING ON SPRING!

Understanding in a car crash?

On Tuesday nights, Billy bowls in a league. Since I'm off from school at the moment, I've been going with him to hang out and watch him play. This past Tuesday (Jan 5), we left the bowling alley around 11:45 to head home, I was driving because Billy had imbibed a few beverages this evening and I had not. Approximately a quarter mile down the road, I watched the car in front of me drift off the side of the road, slam into a telephone pole, and continue forward into a second telephone pole. A key detail here is that at no point during this even, did the vehicle signal or apply the breaks. In a panic, the only phrases I managed to get out of my mouth was "OH MY GOD!" and "WHAT SHOULD I DO?!" Billy screamed at me to pull over and he ran like hell up to the car and called 911. Car parts were all over the road. Our immediate intuition was that this was a drunk driver, probably kids younger than us, but this was not the case. In fact, it was an older man who Billy recognized from the bowling alley, but did not know his name. Shortly after, another car pulled over to offer assistance, and it happened to be a state vehicle with lights on top which helped oncoming traffic slow down. Within 10 minutes, police and other emergency vehicle arrived on the scene. We're pretty sure that the man had a heart attack because he never put on his breaks to slow down- even after hitting the first pole, and incidentally taking down at least 2 mail boxes. They got the man onto a stretcher and into the ambulance, which sat there with the man inside for at least a half hour. Apparently, they did not think the man was going to make it, and were trying to stabilize him. If he had died, it would have changed the whole situation and the kinds of reports that needed to be taken. We were kept there by the police until just after 1am, and they asked if we could come by the police station at 9am to file a witness report. We were exhausted, but were absolutely willing to help in any way.

It's funny how we're conditioned to respond to police. Billy and I both knew we'd done nothing wrong, and were in fact contributing helpful information to an awful situation, but the two of us were so nervous talking to the police. They spoke to us separately, but when we were leaving and comparing our experiences, we discussed how nervous we felt. I guess that's the persona they're aiming to achieve, intimidating and authoritative. We found out that the man was still alive and at a hospital, but they couldn't give us any further details. The next day, we found out from people who also bowl in the league that the man was in a coma. We haven't heard anything since, but we're hope in the best.

While we were sitting in our car, watching the police do their jobs and the paramedics removed the man from the car, Billy expressed guilt saying something to the effect of "if I had run faster and called 911 faster, they could have gotten him out of there sooner and maybe he'd be better off". Still stunned from the overall circumstances, I knew I had to stop the guilt before it manifested into a monster. We did everything that we knew to do. We could have driven past the accident, not called 911, and pretended nothing happened- we wouldn't have known anything about who it was and what caused it. Had we not done anything, then we would be the rightful owners of a guilt monster, but that is not the case. There is no way to prepare yourself for some of the unbelievable things that you are going to experience, and thus it's impossible to hold yourself accountable when you're simply running on instincts and guts.

review? resolution?

Well, in all it's cliche'd glory, 2009 has come and gone. It was a good year. I'm not going to go month by month, but i'll talk about some major moments.

February- Me and Billy's 1 year. We're winding down on year 2...and I foresee a lot of anniversaries in our future.
March- Only a select few know about the huge loss my family experienced, but it was an unbelievable gift for another family. I don't think I'll ever forget about this, and there are times when I'm filled with sadness, but I can't let the sadness outweigh the gift this was for that family.
April- I turned 25 and we moved out into our own apartment. Best birthday present ever. Unfortunately, Billy had to go to training in Ohio for a week and left on my birthday, so I was left alone in our apartment for the first week "we" were living here. It was sad to be alone, but it was just a week alone. I'm pretty sure that we're going to re-sign our lease for another year here.
May- Completed my first year back in college. I'd only taken 2 classes each semester, but I did very well. I think I needed to see myself succeed, even if only in small increments, in order to be motivated to really push forward.
August/September- I no longer work at the school, but I was given the amazing opportunity to put my focus on college and take a full course load. The success I had in my first two semesters back in college gave me no reason to doubt my future success.
October- Billy turned 26. He never let people fuss over him, but I made sure he had a great birthday. Also(!), Emma included us in Mama D's surprise birthday party. I was able to have a night with some of my closest friends and got to talk to some amazing people.
November/December- We bought our first Christmas tree, and we each put our own touch on it. We ate so many delicious home-cooked meals. Most importantly, we completely over-indulged in some good, quality family time...I don't think anyone can deny how healthy and important this is.
I don't remember exactly when this happened, but it's equally noteworthy- I reconnected with Donna. We're both spending more quality time together and are back to how we used to be- before college and boyfriends and nonsense got in the way.
- I began blogging again. It's a great outlet, and apparently, people claim to enjoy what I have to say.

I usually make a resolution and am great at keeping it, but I haven't been able to come up with a good one for 2010 (trust me, i've been thinking). I think this year I'm going to focus on life changes. Short of a disaster, I will graduate in December. At this point, it's not so much a goal, but is moreso a date. It's going to happen. I can't think of any reason why it's not going to happen. So I'm not going to be cheap and say that my resolution is to graduate because it's going to happen. I'm going to work on saving my money and effectively planning for my/our future. I don't have a lot of money, but I certainly know how to spend it. I want to try different recipes, cook more often and read more.

The past year has been great, and the next year holds nothing but opportunities. Bad things may happen to people, but how one handles what is dealt to them is how all situations differ. I'm hoping to have a lot of wonderful experiences, but I also hope that if someone lousy should happen, that I am able to learn from it and move forward possitively...not fixate on the past. I hope the same for anyone that reads this. Spend time with your family. Cherish your friends. Happy New Year!