Vindicated

This morning I had to take a final in Sociology of Death. I've talked about this class and how people consistently came in excessively late. Well the professor has a rule that no one may come in and take the test after the first person has finished. So basically the class began at 9:30, at 9:35 all of the exams were passed out, by 9:50 people began to hand in their completed exams and so no one would be allowed to enter and take the exam (the FINAL exam) thereafter. Well, as I was walking out of the building I passed a girl who was ALWAYS late, if she even showed up to class, and she had not yet taken the exam. While it is unfortunate that she was too late to take the exam, my sympathy ends there. Why would you sign up for a 9:30 AM class if you plan on showing up at 10am every week? She came late all the time, and then was easily annoyed by the professor. This class is an elective, which means YOU DON'T HAVE TO TAKE IT! If you're going to be late every single class, and you can't even manage to make it to the test on time, the professor doesn't owe you any favors. good luck, tardy!

[He] didn't make me miserable, or anxious, or ill at ease. You know, it sounds boring, but it wasn't.

It made sense to pool our collective loathing for the opposite sex, and while we were at it, you get to share a bed with somebody at the same time. We were frightened of being left alone for the rest of our lives. Only people of a certain disposition are frightened of being alone for the rest of their lives at the age of 26, and we were of that disposition.

Both of those quotes (the title and above) are from High Fidelity (the movie, not the book- which I've yet to read, but is apparently better than the movie...*shocking*) The jist of the movie, if you've never seen it, is that John Cusack's character was just dumped and in a therapeutic way is reconnecting with his "top 5" breakups to figure out what went wrong and what it all meant. Ultimately, he realizes that his most recent girlfriend, Laura, is who he wants to be with. I'm not going to spoil the ending, in case you're planning on seeing it (which i highly recommend), but the point of my post is not to summarize a movie. And my intentions are not to review a film that is nearly 10 years old. I am going to talk about the quote i started this with (not the title) in reference to life.

Earlier today i spoke to one of my friends on the phone, I won't say who because that's not the important part (even though she is a very important person). She's been dating people for the past few years and is distressed because she still hasn't found "the one". I know that i'm obviously biased because I am coming up on 2 years with Billy, and we have discussed our long-term plans together. And in addition, a number of my friends are in committed long-term relationships. So anyway, my friend had been in a number of "serious" relationships, none of which really turned into anything and she is currently single. She's dated a bunch of people, but none of them turned into anything serious, and I'm afraid she's scaring them off. Coincidentally, she's been dating a lot of people who've just gotten out of long relationships, so most of them aren't really ready for anything serious right yet. I kind of feel like she puts the fate of her future in every guy she dates, like every single guy has the potential of being "the one". I guess it's kind of a valid argument, but at the same time I think she's subconsciously rushing these relationships to the comfort-zones that people settle into once they've been together for a while- not just 2 or 3 months.

None of my friend's (more recent) relationships have gone past the "dating" stage into the "boyfriend/girlfriend" titles, and I think they're getting scared off. She has these big plans for when she does begin dating someone that they'll date for a few years, get married at or around age 30, and then have children. I can understand where these "plans" come from, she went to college, went to grad school, got a job, so what's next? Logically, the only thing left is a relationship, picket fence, 2.5 children, etc. I think a lot of people have plans like these, I know I moreorless do, but I've also learned that things don't always happen in a distinct order and time limit...especially things that we only have partial control over. It's taking me nearly 8 years to complete my bachelors degree, and I still have a full year left! What I'm getting at is that while it's very important to set goals and limits for yourself, you have to be able to allow for some deviation when you don't have control over the outcome. What happens if you don't reach your goal? Douglas Adams couldn't have said it any better, "I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by". To say that you want to be married by 30 or have 2.5 kids by 30 or to whatever by whatever age may be a good estimate for how you see your future, but you can't hold yourself to those ages because it's dependent upon other people and unforeseen circumstances that are inevitably going to come up in your future. I guess what I'm trying to say is that goals are great, but you also have to live spontaneously. Don't freak out if you're 24 and single because you're still young and have a world of opportunity ahead of you.

remember me???

I know it's been about 2 weeks since i've even shown my presence, but i really haven't posted anything substantial in a long time. I don't have a good excuse. Yeah, i've got a lot going on with school, and it was just Thanksgiving, but I've had a lot of down time.

The past couple weeks, Billy and I have been at each other's throats! I think we're over that now, but let me tell you how frustrating it was. I can absolutely attribute it to our lack of communicating during this time. Four out of five of my classes meet at night and Billy works shifts. Last week he was on nights, which meant that he was sleeping during the day time, which was the only time we were really home together. So, we weren't really just hanging out together like we usually do and most of our communicating was done via text message, which we all know is not the greatest way to talk to someone.

I have to admit, that I am also at fault for the bickering. I'm guilty. I don't know what exactly led me to feel this way, but I've been feeling very bored. I don't want to sit in and hang out at home all the time, like we've been doing. Billy gets exhausted and worn out from working shifts, so when he's home he really just wants to kick back and relax. I understand that, and I've tried to be accomodating, especially since we're not rolling around in money and going out costs money. Lately, I'm just antsy to get out. We haven't gone away together since we've been dating and sometimes it's nice to go and stay over in a hotel- not have to clean up, make the bed, cook, etc. It's nice to be taken care of, and I think I'm usually the one who is taking care of others. Don't get me wrong, Billy takes extremely good care of me, and I know that he does everything with me in mind. I guess since I'm not working, and my classes are at night that I've got all this free time and I'm getting bored, and I'm taking it out on the one person who thinks about me before he even thinks about himself.

We did talk about this, and both acknowledged what we've done or not done and I think that's a really important detail in this rambling. All couples experience frustration from one another and bicker and argue and blow things out of proportion (guilty as charged!), but it's definitely not something that's beyond the realm of control. It's probably going to happen again, but it's not worth giving up over. I'm not happy that we get into squabbles over little things, but I am glad that we always reach a resolution without having to feel like we've given in just to appease one another.

so good

artistic endeavors

What can I say? I've just had so much school work that I haven't had time or really felt compelled to write lately. I don't want to get burned out and force myself to write here, I prefer it as more of an outlet or catharsis when I feel necessary.

In semi-interesting news (to me), I have a test on Thursday morning which I referenced in this post. (that's not the interesting part) My professor has a rule that no one can enter the class once the first person has left, so if you come in after someone has already completed the exam and left, then you're out of luck. I happen to appreciate this rule in more ways than most others probably do. He commented on the lack of parking at school, which I will agree is a serious problem, but then went on to say that the earlier you get there, the more parking spots are available. It seems to be a pretty obvious logic. So, if you want to be sure that you'll get to school on time to take the test, you should probably get there early...duh! I'm glad that he at least made the comment to the entire class, unfortunately, the frequent offenders came in after he'd said it...go figure!

On Friday I am going to be painting a ceiling. My mom's friend (and my former co-worker)'s brother asked if I could paint a sky on his ceiling. I'm pretty sure I'm going to do something similar to The Quarter in the Tropicana in Atlantic City. (sorry, couldn't find a better image) I'm pretty excited, this will be my second paid artistic endeavor. But, to be completely honest, I don't really feel right being paid more than what my supplies cost. I never considered myself to be more than just creative. I'll openly admit that I'm awesome at arts and crafts projects, but would never give myself the title of an artist. Fortunately for me, other people do and are interested in my work! My dad, who is always the last to acknowledge anything (simply because he's oblivious) also requested that I paint the downstairs bathroom in my parents' house. Freelance painting could prove to be a good time filler and maybe make a little money here and there. We shall see.

It seems as though I've got a potpourri of skills, if only I could arrange them into some sort of career.

bloggers block

As you may or may not have noticed, it's been a little while since I last posted. This can be attributed to a few different things, being busy with school, not having anything to write about, and a fun-filled birthday weekend. Friday was my wonderful boyfriend's 26th birthday, and Saturday was Joanne's Birthday as well.
So Friday night Billy's friends and Joanne's friends went out to Fox and Hound, for dinner and drinks. I'd never been there, but I would definitely go again. I love pubs, good beer, and unhealthy pub foods. An added bonus was that they had the Rutgers game on about 5 million screens, not that I'm an avid sports fan, but still a treat no less. There were probably about 15 of us there, and what's great about this pub is that its huge, so it wasn't an issue for us to hang out for a few hours. It can get a little annoying when you go to a restaurant on a friday night and it seems like they're rushing you to eat, drink and leave. We stayed til about 11:30 and then headed home for the night. Now that we're getting older, we don't stay til last call (as often).

Saturday we relaxed on the couch most of the day (note- Billy slept til about 2pm, and I relaxed on the couch). For dinner, we went to Arirang with Billy's mom, step-dad, his sister and her girlfriend. We love it there, but since it's on the pricey side we don't go very often, so it was an extra special treat for his parents to take us out. Dinner was of course delicious and entertaining, as well as very hot! After dinner, we came back to our apartment for some cake that Billy's mom brought over from Mendoker's bakery. His mom is really smart, and rather than getting 1 type of cake, she brought a sample box of about 8 different cakes so we could have whatever kind we wanted. It was a really nice night, and everyone left around 10ish. We crashed shortly after.

I really want to see Where the Wild Things Are, so hopefully we'll do that today. If not, I still have not gone pumpkin picking, so maybe we'll do that instead. Either way, nothing serious is planned for today. I've got an exam tomorrow evening and another on Tuesday so I have some reading/studying to do. Should be a good lazy sunday.

gagaloo

I love Lady Gaga. I don't care what anyone has to say about it. Fin.

punctuality

I hope that this blog doesn't turn into a rag filled with pet peeves and this really bothers me's, but I feel it's necessary to discuss something that simply put, really bothers me. As the title says, punctuality, but I'll be more specific. Mondays and Thursdays I have my only morning class, Sociology of Death. All of my other classes are evening/night times, and I was apprehensive about taking a morning class because of the commute (rush hour on the parkway is not fun). In addition, I prefer night classes because the older students tend to take the classes more seriously and actually want to be there, but that's a separate issue. However, this was the only section and I really wanted to take it (and it fulfilled and upper-level elective). The class starts at 9:30 AM, and I leave at 8 because the half-hour commute usually ends up taking about an hour and parking at Kean is less than commuter-friendly, for a predominantly commuter school, but I digress (AGAIN). I usually have about 15 minutes to spare by the time I park, and I like having that time because it allows me to look over my notes from the last class or whatever readings were assigned- yes, I know I'm extremely nerdy! That 15 minute buffer also allows for any additional traffic I may encounter, which has happened a few times so far. Regardless, I know that leaving an hour and a half prior to the start of my class seems a little excessive, but out of respect of my professor and other classmates I think it's very important to arrive to class on time.

This morning's class was looking very empty at 9:28, when the professor arrived. I even commented to the girl sitting next to me that maybe some people had dropped the course after receiving our test scores in the last class. People continued to trickle in until about 10:00. THAT'S A FULL HALF HOUR LATE! The class only goes until 10:45, how can you miss 30 minutes of that?! Not only that, but it's extremely distracting to be listening to a lecture and have the door creek open and have someone shuffle in across the entire classroom where they proceed to unzip their bag and do whatever else I'd already done before the class even started. I can't help but stare as they disrupt the entire group of focused students. I remember as early as middle school that we would receive an "unprepared" in a class if we did not hand in our assignments by the start time. I understand that there are always going to be legitimate excuses for these lates, and the teacher probably doesn't care one way or the other what the reason is, but I'm referring to consistent offenders. Last week in my World Literature course, a woman walked in with 10 minutes left. She is late every week, and her arrival time is only getting later and later. Why would you even show up for 10 minutes?! In my opinion, that's worse than not showing up at all. That can't possibly count the same for attendance as those of us who were there the entire time. (Yes, at Kean most classes have attendance policies)

I don't know why it is so difficult to be on time. When I was at Rutgers, I had a professor who would lock the door when he started class so that anyone who was late would not be allowed to come in...and this was in a lecture hall! I don't know if this extreme is necessary, because as I said, there are exceptions, but there has to be a happy medium that gets the point across effectively. I always try to arrive at least 15 minutes early (wherever I'm going) because I'm aware that if I'm late it can mess up someone else's schedule and I don't want to be the cause for delays or distractions. I remember when I was younger, my mom was always able to get my family places on time, and very often it would be just her and the four of us (my 2 sisters and brother). Whether we were going to a doctor appointment or a family get-together, we were always on time. If my mother could do it with 4 young children, then no one else has an excuse to being a repeat offender. I always get to my appointments early, and if there is an extraneous circumstance, I'll call (when calling is an option).

I wonder how it feels to be a person who is perpetually late. The people who stroll in on their own time seem indifferent to the fact that they're disrupting the lecture in progress. I am really turned off by blatant disregard of others. Unfortunately, the people who should read this probably never will.

In other news, I ordered an ipod touch today. I have no good reason for this, other than really wanting one. This is my treat to myself, and will probably be the last for a while.

we finally did it

Since we moved in (back in April), we've had some "issues" with the people that live above us. I believe there are 2 adults and a child, although I'm not sure the child is always there. First and foremost, they stomp around at all hours of the day and night. I understand that we live in an apartment building and it's going to be noisy at times, but let me tell you, our neighbors to the right have 2 young children and we NEVER hear them. Also, on at least 5 different occasions, they've tossed their dirty laundry off of their porch onto the grass below and then 10 minutes later they'll drive up to the curb and collect their laundry. Almost everyday they can be heard SCREAMING at each other. I'm never able to make out what is being said, but I can assure you it is not nice. We do our fair share of shouting, but it is nothing like these people. Last but not least, they have dance parties on a regular basis. I'm all for dance parties and having a good time, but in all fairness they should be considerate of their neighbors.

We haven't complained at all, mostly because I didn't want to make enemies right away. I don't know how long we're going to live in this apartment, but it's probably going to be for at least another year beyond our initial 1 year lease. The other reason is that I didn't know if other people had similar issues with the people above them. I don't know how much people can hear through the walls here, so I really just didn't want to start any trouble.

WELL, we reached our breaking point on Thursday night. I will admit that neither of us had to be up in the morning and we were enjoying a quiet evening on the couch, and Billy's friend Josh was over as well. Around 10pm, we heard a lot of commotion in the hallway and when we opened the door to check it out, there was no one there. The noise we were hearing was coming from upstairs- we knew this was only the start. The noise then traveled into the apartment above us. There was loud music, a loud tv, people talking (loudly), stomping, dancing, dropping things (loudly), etc. I probably would not have gotten as angry as I did, but it was a week night and all I could think about was the 6 months that we've gone without saying anything. So we finally called in a complaint about the people upstairs, anonymously of course. I don't know if anything will result from this, but I can't imagine that we're the only people who've complained about them.

Today they were fighting the worst we've heard so far. There was a loud bang followed by about 20 minutes of screaming. I hope there's no serious issues with those people, but I just wish they could be considerate of the people around them

EXCELling

I think I've figured out why it is taking me so damn long to finish college. The fact that schools charge thousands of dollars in tuition, yet we (the students, paying customers) are required to take various core courses, even if they are not directly related to your major. Yes, I know that these courses are low levels and are only to give you a well-rounded education, but it is still extremely discouraging. For example, I am taking a computer class. It happens to be the second one I've taken during my college career. My professor is (for some unknown reason) teaching the course as if all of the students are accounting or business majors. We just did a unit on Microsoft Excel (which I do not use because I use the Mac version), and everything that we were required to do was directed towards accounting spreadsheets. I can say with 100% certainty that I will never be an accountant. Math is one of my weakest areas. Knowing how to create an amortization table will most likely never be a benefitial piece of information for me...not to mention that if I ever need one, there are free templates for things like that. I hate being forced to do things that do not directly relate to my goal. I'd much rather take an extra psych or sociology course and gain more pertinent information, instead, I have to take a nonsense class in order to simply fulfill a meaningless requirement. I really think that the core curriculum should be modified for each major.

Today Donna, Joanne and I visited Delicious Orchards. I need to remember that this is open all year, and not just during autumn. They have the best apple cider, and delicious apple cider donuts. I also bought some cranberry apple cider, which i'm drinking as we speak. It's probably my new favorite drink. It's not too sweet, and a little tart, but it's perfect. I'm curious to try warming it up with a little cinnamon. I'll let you know how it is when I get around to trying it.

After dropping Donna home, Joanne and I went on a 3 hour tour of the Christmas Tree Shop for some bargain hunting and impulse buys. I didn't do too much damage, mostly bought stuff that we actually needed, and a few nic-nacks that I wanted. As I've previously stated, I'm very excited for the upcoming holidays and was looking for some seasonal decorations. They had a ton, but I refrained from buying too much. I'm really looking forward to Christmas time and having our first tree together, which means that I'm going to have to start accumulating ornaments. I think the best word to describe my feelings is "excited", even if it is becoming somewhat redundant in this blog. I'm looking ahead into the near future and there's just so much I'm looking forward to reporting on. You, my adoring audience, will, of course, get all of the (mundane) details.

look around, leaves are brown...

For the first time in many years, I am embracing the change of seasons. Typically, autumn has been a huge source of anxiety for me, probably because of returning to school after summer break paired with the unavoidable return of the cold. I am not particularly fond of winter, mainly because it is so cold and I find snow to be especially obnoxious. But this year I am trying to be more optimistic. I'm getting excited about seasonal recipes. I'm anticipating the holiday seasons (Halloween, Thanks Giving, Christmas, etc), and I'm trying to find ways to be excited about these annual events in order to distract me from the lack of warmth. I'm am looking forward to being able to stay warm under my blankets and not having to get up for work every morning. As the days go by, it's also fun to gradually reincorporate my sweater collection into my daily wardrobe.

I have a new found optimistic view on life. I've been unemployed for a month and it has proven to be the best unexpected change in recent years. Virtually everyone I've talked to has commented and agreed with that. Emma* had commented about her old job that there were certain aspects that she could not improve or change, and it basically came down to having to accept the faults and just work around it. I think that was a big problem at my job as well. Every workplace has its issues, but I feel I was aboard a sinking ship. It was supposed to be a school, but it wound up being a business. There was a lack of accountability all around. Some teachers did outstanding lessons and tried an eclectic approach to best help their students learn. At the same time, other teachers do basically nothing above the bare minimum, refusing the modify their teaching habits or explore new methods. It was very discouraging to see such inconsistency being overlooked, and even ignored. Its just unfair. Some people break the rules and are not reprimanded, there is no follow-through regarding consequences for some people, but others are constantly ostracized for challenging the issues they are presented with. It has become a very unsupportive environment. People who work there can be categorized into 3 groups: 1. Loyal to the company because they've been there for so long, 2. Waiting for something better to come along, or 3. Lack substantial skills needed to be a public school teacher. It's sad because at the end of the day, the people who are most greatly affected by these teachers are the students...students who are already at an incredible disadvantage because of their special needs, and aren't receiving the education they deserve. I'm not trying to bash the school, a lot of this has to do with their inability to offer a pay competitive with public school salaries (generally about $10-15,000 less), so they aren't able to be as particular about who they hire. Even in this economy, their applicants are lackluster. The people at the top need to be held accountable for their actions. It's a commonality for the director to flat out lie or at best, offer partial information regarding changes in the company, which leaves the staff with many unanswered questions and thus rumors begin to spread. While employed there, I felt as though the staff was considered to be stupid and unworthy of getting the full story or information. I'm glad I'm done with that aspect of my life. I can only go up from where I'm at. I look forward to all of the exciting changes my future holds.

*You'll notice I've updated my links with my very good friend, Emma's blog. She's much more interesting and informative than she gives herself credit for. Even if you don't know her, it's a solid read ;)

in sickness and in health

Billy has told me several times what his idea of love is. I find it to be one of the most beautiful stories that anyone has ever told me. I think that everyone should have the privilege of hearing it as well, so I'm going to write it here.

A little background- Billy's grandfather and father both are named William. His grandfather was a marine and I've never heard a bad thing about the man. Billy has never been able to tell me a story about his grandfather without tearing up. His grandfather was as close to him as I was to my grandmother, so I'm able to relate to him very closely regarding an incredible loss.

After having a heart attack, Billy's grandfather wound up in a coma in the hospital. His (Billy's) grandmother was by his side at the hospital and took care of him until the end. She shaved him when he was scruffy because he was always a very well-put-together man and shaved daily. She wanted the family (and anyone else who came to see him) to see him as he would want to be seen. She loved him so much that even in a coma state she made it her only priority to do whatever he would have done on his own. So when Billy and his family visited at the hospital to say their final good-byes, their final memory of their grandfather, father, uncle, etc. was of how he was any other day. They never saw him looking differently. Because of her love for him, Billy's grandmother set aside her heartbreak, in an effort to preserve his memory for everyone else.

I know that he has used that image to set the bar for his own life and love. I think about that story very often, and while I don't want to imagine myself in similar circumstances, I would hope that I would handle myself in such a truly dignified fashion. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.

autumn divers

I'm a really big fan of seasonal recipes and cooking the fruits and vegetables that are locally grown, and readily available. I'm a huge pomegranate and cranberry fanatic. I found the most delicious pomegranate green tea, buried in with my stuff from work (which i've yet to unpack). It's made by The Republic of Tea and is totally worth the money. It has a really beautiful smell and the pomegranate adds just enough sweetness that it's delicious without adding anything to it. I've also been eating apples and dried cranberries like its my job, they are an excellent accent to almost anything i've been eating. I'm excited because Thanks Giving is coming up, and this will be the first year that Billy and I will have our own kitchen to cook in for the holiday. We're not going to change our family plans on the actual day, but we've been throwing around the idea of having some of our friends come over for a pre-thanks giving feast. His friends celebrate "Friendsgiving" every year with a pot-luck feast, which was fun, but I'd really like to cook up a meal and invite people to come and relax while I do my thing. We shall see about that. I'm very excited to start baking with apples and pumpkins, as I just melt from the scent of nutmeg and cinnamon. I definitely love the warmer weather better, but the autumn holiday season is such a good excuse to get together and cook and most importantly, eat! Plus, I get to wear all of my sweaters.

I'm really happy to be back in school. I was thinking earlier about how I have no idea where I went wrong with school. I'm not sure when or why exactly I fell so far behind, but ultimately I'm not losing sleep over this and frankly, I'm happy. Billy and I are wonderful, we're always laughing and having fun. Yes, we have our hiccups, but nothing that's set us back at all. I always comment on how it doesn't seem like most other couples have nearly as much fun as we do. I think thats incredibly important in a relationship. We take care of the serious stuff, all of our responsibilities, we talk about stuff that we need to, but we still joke and play around most of the time. If you can't have fun with someone, how the hell are you going to be able to do anything else with that person?

will you survive the zompocalypse?

This weekend Billy and I saw Zombieland with a bunch of his friends. It was probably the best movie of the year, and easily one of my favorite movies of all time. It was really funny, I was laughing out loud throughout the entire film (and that's rare). I would probably see it again...in the theaters. There's also a really good celebrity cameo. I'm not going to spoil any of the movie for you guys, but I highly recommend you see it.

After the movie ended, we were all talking outside the theater about how great the movie was and the guys got into a conversation about the Zompocalypse. They are all HUGE zombie fanatics, and part of me really thinks that they honestly believe that people will one day have to fight off zombies. My first Valentine's Day gift from Billy was The Zombie Survival Guide because I'm one of the people he hopes will survive. The boys all had their own plans on how they would survive, where they would go, what tools/weapons they would use, who they would try to save, etc. It was really funny and cute, but also someone disconcerning that they really do think about stuff like that. Boys will be boys.

Lovely Letters

Billy and I have gotten in the habit of writing each other little notes of encouragement and love letters. Because he's on shift work, and I have classes 4 nights each week, we don't have as much quality time with each other. I started doing it at first because he seemed to be bummed out and down on himself so I would sneak a note in with his lunch or hidden in whatever book he was currently reading because it always feels better to stumble upon something like that when you're least expecting it. Also, I'll tape a little note to the bathroom mirror when he's working nights for him to see when he first gets home in the morning. The other night he told me how much he likes being surprised by my notes and that he saves them all to reread when he's lonely at work or is feeling lousy. He keeps them hanging in the bathroom, or on the fridge, or wherever I stuck it...so if you ever see papers hanging throughout the apartment, that's what they are. He writes me notes too, one time we had a fight and i was taking a nap and woke up to a lengthy letter apologizing. Other times, he'll hide them on me like I try to do to him. I think our little notes to each other have really helped our relationship because it has only contributed to our wonderful communication, and sometimes it's easier to write things on paper. We both really like to make each other feel good, especially on days when we're not in the greatest moods.

this post was first written in my notebook, while waiting for class

I'll start off by stating that prior to the last 5 or so years, I rarely read for leisure- I've talked about this before. And again, I want to be the kind of person who reads for their own benefit because there's so many wonderful stories out there that the movies just can't do justice to. I'm working on this skill. I talk about reading as if it's a skill like knitting (which, by the by, I've learned how to do), and I guess in some regards it is. Some people can read quickly and retain all of the words, but I sometimes have to read a line several times before it sticks. I will also say that if I'm not sucked into a book within the first 25-50 pages, I'm probably never going to finish it. I'm okay with that because it's helping me to fine tune the genres and styles I prefer.

In high school (college too), whenever we read books, we had to write reflection papers or analyze the themes or symbolism. I got fairly good at being able to do this without ever really "reading" the books. I didn't like being "forced" to read, it seemed so taxing and time consuming. I still have some issues with analyzing the words of someone else, especially if the author is not around to verify such analysis as true or false. I digress. The point is, I feel that reading should be enjoyable, and I understand what my teachers were doing- I appreciate this, but in some respects it really backfired. After a few books and essays, I was able to pick up on key terms easily and areas I had difficulty with I looked to the internet for answers. Reading a book was equivalent to algebra- I did what I had to in order to get a passing grade, but I got NOTHING out of it. Maybe exposure to different works, but I don't recall more than a handful of books or stories that especially interested me.

While I'm still in college and still have assigned readings, it's different. The readings are interesting to me. I actually want to read. I'm finally getting something out of my assignments. I'm enjoying the reading, and it's so much less of a task. However, I still feel the need to discuss and reflect my feelings upon completing a book. I like the exchange of opinions.

Earlier today I finished reading Tuesdays with Morrie by Mitch Albom. I started reading it yesterday. It was assigned for my Sociology of Death course, and needs to be read by December 7th, I'm just about 2 months ahead and it barely took up any of my time. I will admit that I'd heard good things about the book, with regards to dealing with the loss of someone close. I tried to read from a different perspective, a social scientist. I found it incredibly interesting to read about the emotions and process of acceptance that Morrie, Albom as well as everyone else in Morrie's life went through. My first thought was how incredible this is. Death is someone fascinating to me, mainly because it is so difficult for me to comprehend- I think many people will agree with me here. I really struggle with faith, and I generally associate myself as an atheist, but I guess I'm open to anything (NOT Pascal's Wager though). While the book doesn't answer any questions about afterlife (I don't really contemplate this anymore), it really put me at rest with a lot of personal issues I had regarding the passing of my paternal grandmother, whom many of you know, I was VERY close to. Having said that, I don't think I want to go into those issues now.

I feel good that I've finished another book, I'm ahead of my reading for one class, and I learned of an incredibly inspiring story. I like true stories, even if the ending is sad and inevitable. I've got a lot of readings for my world literature (just read The Merchant of Venice and starting Gilgamesh), 2 sociology and 1 psychology courses, and I don't anticipate having too much free time to embark on another novel anytime soon. We'll see. I'm sure I'll feel compelled to write or talk about it, so I'm sure I'll be back here to compose my review.

guilty pleasure

I just have to tell everyone about one of my favorite guilty pleasures. About a year ago, maybe slightly less, a woman at work brought in some treats. Her husband works for Nestle and always sends lots of goodies. What's really cool about him is that he gets preview treats, unreleased candies that Nestle will be selling in the months to come. She let me try cranberry raisinets. I was instantly hooked! As an avid chocolate consumer, and someone who LOVES craisins, this was just the perfect combination! After a few months, I still had not seen them on the shelves in stores and was concerned that they had not passed through the market research period, but she informed me that they would be available in stores in the months to come...and then she brought me a whole bag full of them! I've stretched that supply to last me probably the last 6 months, and I've just finished it. I still have not seen them in stores, but alas, as a farewell gift, she filled a beautiful vera bradley tote bag with cranberry raisinets, baby ruths, and crunch bars! She is a wonderfully thoughtful woman, and I'll probably talking about her in the posts to follow.

*Please note, I have not been overindulging (or even indulging) myself on a regular basis, I plan to make that chocolate supply last me well into the upcoming year.

**Also note, cranberry raisonets are especially delicious when accompanied by a warm cup of tea.

impressionable and indecisive

In high school I took a lot of cooking classes and decided I wanted to be a chef, and went to culinary school. When I watched Dog Town and the Z Boys, I tried (unsuccessfully) to learn to be a skateboarder. When I sing along to the radio, sometimes I convince myself that I could be a famous singer too. Sometimes I think that I want to be well-known for something...I want my 15 minutes in the sun, but frankly, I hate being the center of attention. My 6th or 7th birthday party, I cried when everyone sang happy birthday to me. I don't know what it is, but lately I've been reading a lot of articles and journals and I want to be a writer, but I don't really think I do. At 25, I still have no idea what I want to do. I'm not getting any younger (which is so dramatic to write, no less think) and I'm certainly not saving any money with this lifestyle. I just don't know what direction I'm taking my life in. I know I'm going to get a degree soon and that will "open up so many doors" (as everyone keeps telling me), but I don't know if I buy it. And how will I know if I'm going through the right door? My degree will be in psychology most likely with a minor in sociology, which sounds great in theory, but really means nothing. To be able to do anything, whether I teach or go into counseling or even research, I'm really going to need a masters. I'm not saying I'm opposed to furthering my education, but let's be honest here, it's taken me quite a long time to even get to the point I'm at now. One would think that I'd have some sort of idea where I'm going with this. I don't. I am completely and utterly clueless. I like teaching, but I don't see myself doing that forever; furthermore, I don't LOVE it. I don't want to be one of those people who is miserable at their job and is merely earning a living. I want to be happy. I want to wake up in the morning and be excited about what I have to do. I know that's a bit unrealistic and over-the-top, but I also don't want to settle. Part of why it's taking me nearly 10 years to finish my undergraduate education is because I can't decide what I want to be when I "grow up". To be honest, I want to get married and be a mother, but a lot of good college will do me in that area. I really do want to finish my degree for myself, and not so that my father will be proud of me (that's an added bonus), but I'm easily discouraged because "what's the point" if I don't have a specific goal in mind. Its very hard to reach your goal if there's not a bigger goal beyond that. Wouldn't it be nice if I could just keep taking classes in the social sciences. I'd love to do research, but I don't want to write those hard-to-read scientific journals, and I do want to make a difference. I want to be able to change at least one person's life for the better. That's my goal, but it's awful broad if you ask me. There are infinite ways I can do that, and a lot of them require little-to-no schooling whatsoever. So, where do I go from here? I haven't the slightest idea. Hopefully something will click between now and graduation.

Archives

About 2 weeks ago I was getting my hair cut by Katie, the most wonderful stylist I have ever known, and I'm not exaggerating. I was telling her about my lack of employment and such (i suppose unemployment will be a common topic for a while- it's kind of a big change in my life), but I was going on and on about how good of a change it was and how my life has been affected in all areas because of it. She's really great because she let's me gab on, but she also interjects her thoughts and slows down my relentless ranting. She pointed out how much happier I am since this change and suggested that I blog about my life. I guess she didn't know that I've had this little puppy for a while! It's funny because prior to her comment, I never actually thought that anyone would be interested in reading about my life. I know some of my friends read it and offer their encouragement and comments, but I don't even think they're particularly stimulated by the words that I produce. I've a had various blogs since high school, most of which have been deleted and/or forgotten, but for me, writing about the boring happenings in my life is somewhat therapeutic. It feels good to unload my thoughts/experiences/emotions out in a public forum, whether or not people respond. It's also a physical documentation or archive of various aspects of my life. Since high school I've maintained a livejournal account, which is set to private, but its funny to look back at my old posts and reminisce. I also like to critique my grammar and sentance structure...because I'm a nerd. It's especially funny to recognize how different my problems were- from crying about not having a boyfriend to petty arguments between "best friends forever" (relationships that have since desolved). I don't regret anything I've done because the choices I've made have contributed to who I am today, and I'm pretty content with myself. I anticipate that even in the months and years to come, the directions of my posts will continue to change dramatically. I love reflecting on the past...

I'm also using this forum as a way to stay in touch with important people in my life. A lot of my friends have fairly busy schedules and when we do talk, it's impossible to catch up on everything. So, via the web and various blogsites, I'm able to read about their lives and they can read about mine. The internet really is a wonderful resource for communication and relationships.

funemployment

Yes, you read that correctly. I am unemployed. While it was not really a position I'd planned on finding myself in, I'm not really upset or depressed about not having a job. It really has opened up a lot of opportunities that I wouldn't have had under other circumstances, but I'll get to that shortly.

Let's talk about where my life WAS heading. I'm 25, I live with my boyfriend, I was very slowly working towards my bachelors degree in psychology, and I was working full time at the school. They had me "teaching" art, which I was ecstatic about, but because I don't have a teaching certification, I couldn't technically "teach" art with my own classroom. Basically I was going to go around to each classroom and do lessons with the head teacher's still in the class. In addition, I was going to be working in the transitional department teaching the kids how to use digital cameras and print/photoshop their pictures. Again, I was very excited about all of this and was willing to take all of it on, but there was no pay compensation. I'd gotten a $500 pay increase, like all of the other paraprofessionals, but I was doing far more than even many of the teachers (in some respects). Until I left, I didn't realize how they were really taking advantage of me. In my mind, if I had to be getting a lousy pay, I'd rather be doing something that I enjoyed rather than something that was a constant source of stress and frustration. I was willing to settle for the low pay because I had nothing to negotiate with, no degree or certification, so I took what I was given. This had been bothering Billy for quite a while. He didn't think it was fair that they were taking advantage of me, and he thought that I really should be getting more than what they were willing to give, regardless of my qualifications...especially because I'd worked there since I was 18. Adding insult to injury, they were not reimbursing me for tuition for reasons unknown to me. I didn't want to have to take out more student loans and was only taking 2 classes per semester. At that rate, I would still be a good 3 years away from my bachelors. I don't want to be 30 and STILL in college.

So, what am I doing now? Well, first off, I'm enrolled full-time in college. Because I'll be able to collect unemployment, I'll be able to afford to be a full time student. Also, I got approved for enough financial aid to pay for this enitre year. As I said before, I didn't want to take out student loans, but upon further investigation, my total loan debts were considerably lower than I'd originally thought. I realized that if I go full time for this entire year and probably one more semester that I should be able to graduate by December of next year. I'm taking 15 credits and will probably have at least that many for the next 2 semesters I have left. I'm excited to be finishing my undergraduate education. Sometimes I joke that I'm the Oedipus or Homer of college because this has been a lengthy, epic journey for me, but the joking is a facad for the what I really feel. People always say the same thing "At least you're still going", and it's only slightly encouraging. I've always been an underachiever. My report cards and progress reports always said something to the extent of me not working to the best of my ability. For some reason I never really cared to do my best. I'm the first to sell myself short. Laziness and procrastination have gotten the best of me and my ability to complete college in a timely fashion. Now I'm turning over a new leaf and getting myself in order.

I'm not actively seeking a job, contrary to what I tell the people at the unemployment office. For the first time, I'm taking advantage of the resources I've been presented. I've had a job since I was 15, I worked the whole time I was in college and I'm finally taking a break. I know some people really look down on those who are unemployed and make no effort to get another job, but I don't think that I fit in with those people. My effort is being put into my education because the sooner I graduate, the sooner I can look for a better paying job. Plus, I really needed a break from work. I'm able to sleep in a little bit, but I still get up and get dressed every day. I'm doing all the things that a housewife does. I'm cleaning and cooking a lot more, which is really what I love...even if it's just a grilled cheese for Billy who is 25 going on 5.

I guess I'll keep everyone posted on my progress and employment status as the time goes on. Hopefully a year from now I'll be planning my graduation!

8 minute abs

About 6 weeks ago I decided I needed to start working out, mostly because I've put on weight, but also because I should incorporate healthier habits into my daily routine. Since I can't afford to join a gym, and frankly I know I probably won't actually go to the gym, I decided to look into what I can do at home. I started by looking for an old favorite on youtube, 8 minute abs. My mom has a copy of this at home and I've done it before when I was in high school. I know that this is a really good ab workout because 1. it's only 8 minutes and 2. it doesn't require any special equipment or athletic skill. It took about a week for me to memorize the entire workout and about 4 weeks to start seeing some results. I found a copy of it on youtube that is muted, except for the beeps to change position, and it is followed up by a 2 minute pilates ab workout.

This week I came across another pilates ab workout video, and it's only 10 minutes long. Honestly, everyone can manage to fit in a 10 minute workout at some point in their day. If you can't, you're only making excuses for yourself.

I've also modified my eating habits. First, I cut out soda and sugary beverages. I've been sticking to mostly water and unsweatened fresh tea (coffee in the morning). Also, making sure that I eat some sort of protein in the morning...even if it's just a spoon of peanut butter. I have noticed a good boost in energy from this. Another change I've made is attempting to eat most meals at home. This has been an easy change for me because I live very close to work and my summer work hours get's me home by 2pm. Since my lunch is at 11:30 and I'm not yet hungry, I've been eating lunch when I get home. When the regular school year starts up in September, I'm going to make an extra effort to bring a lunch with me, rather than ordering out. This will *hopefully* allow me to save some ca$h since times are tough! I'm not a big fan of cutting certain foods out of my diet because I like food. I like to cook, and I like to eat. If I'm craving chocolate cake, I don't want some sugar-free substitute, but I am cutting down portion size.

In the past 2 weeks, people have commented that it looks like I've lost some weight. Positive reinforcement helps so much. Whenever I don't feel like working out, I try to remind myself that people are starting to notice and I can't give up now. I think it's working. I usually do some form of a workout in the morning and again in the evening. I believe that working out in combination of my improved eating habits will help me to shed these extra pounds. I've also decided not to weigh myself more than once a month. I don't want to be fixated on the numbers, and I also haven't set a goal weight. I know that my body weight fluctuates throughout the month, and if I'm weighing myself every week it may be easier to become discouraged. If clothes are fitting better and people are commenting, then I must be doing something right. The changes I'm making are not going to hurt me in anyway, they can only help. If you're looking to make changes in your life, it's easier to start small and be realistic. You're not going to lose 30lbs in a month. Be healthy and realistic.

past your prime

i have to say it in a semi-public forum.

michael jackson was at one point, a highly influential musician and pop artist, but frankly in the past 10 years he has contributed nothing positive to society.

madonna is old, and gets creepier and creepier every time i see her. I also believe that she too, has made no positive contributions to society. I am sick of seeing her performing with only underpants on. I don't care how much you work out, you look old! RETIRE!

book worm

I've never been much of a reader. In high school i skimmed and somehow was able to get enough of the point and did considerable well on most of my papers. In college I did (do?) pretty much the same. Even if it's something that i'm absolutely interested in or a classic, I've never been able to find pleasure in being "forced" to read a book. Over the past few years I've wanted to become the kind of person who can just "curl up with a good book". I want to be a reader because I know I'm missing out on a lot of good literature. I'm excited to write that I'm almost finished with my second book this summer, and people keep suggesting more and more to me. I'm hoping to read a total of 5 for the summer. I'm being totally realistic and not setting an unreachable goal. I know how I am, and it isn't uncommon for me to start a book and then never finish it. So far I've read The Lovely Bones by Alice Sebold, and I'm almost done with Lucky a memoir by Sebold as well. She writes in such a way that I am able to relate to her descriptions and am eager to reach the resolution. I find myself being unable to put the book down and wanting to clear my day in order to finish. So, I'm happy to say that I'm pleasantly on my way towards my goal. I will keep you all posted on my progress (whether or not you care!) =)

this is too good...

whatever, martha

We've been living together for just about 2 months. It's great, and I'm extremely happy that we made the jump. Billy and I have really been balancing one another out quite well. This was a good move for us. We're definitely taking advantage of being able to lounge on the couch and not have anyone bother us.

The funny thing I've noticed is, after living with my parents for 20+ years and always asking when I adjusted the thermostat and such, I find myself asking Billy's permission to turn on the AC. What is wrong with me?! I'm the one paying the utilities! I guess in some way I'm looking for confirmation that it's okay to turn it on, and I'm not being irrational about the temperature.

On a separate note, I planted vegetables this past weekend! This includes the Topsy Turvy hanging tomato planter! Hopefully we will have fresh tomatoes, peppers, and eggplant! Look at me go! Woooooo! I get excited about little things.

homemaker

billy and i signed the lease for our apartment on saturday! we'll be moving this week. aside from the obvious "moving in with my boyfriend" excitement, i can not wait to have my own place to decorate! i have my own kitchen to cook in. i even have my own bathroom to poop in. i love appliances and furniture and area rugs and curtain rods! it's so wonderful. we're getting a lot of hand-me-down furniture to get us started, but today we made our first purchase for the apartment!!! we went to the always awesome crate and barrel outlet and got the greatest buy ever!
we got it "as is" for $150, with a leaf, so it can expand to accomodate more people. it was originally $550. this is so wonderful!! i am absolutely in love with my table. it's so funny how quickly my homemaker instincts click in. we're gonna go back soon to get some chairs, we're not about to drain all of our funds in one shot. we've got everything we need to start, and over time we're replace the hand-me-downs with new items. the funniest part was testing out the couches. we'd spot a couch we liked, feel it, and then sit for a little bit. once we decided how we felt about that couch, we moved on to another one and repeated. i'm not obsessed with searching online for various pieces of furniture and other things that we might want to purchase. hopefully i'll have some apartment photos soon!

ageism is all the rage[ism]

i love old people. they're awesome. my grandma was, hands down, the greatest woman ever to walk this earth. my great grandma was a close second. part of what made my grandma so awesome was that she was totally aware of her limits. she was not comfortable driving far, driving at night, and driving in bad weather. so guess what? SHE DIDN'T DO IT! if she knew that she had to go somewhere and the time, distance, and/or weather was going to be an issue, then she would find another ride. so what is up with all the cotton puffs out on the road driving 10-15 under the speed limit? if you can't handle it, then back the eff off! i'm sorry, i know that old people want their freedom and independence too, but it's preventing so many people from driving as efficiently as they should be. the other day i was approaching an intersection where there was a traffic light that was yellow and had then turned red. there was a car ahead of me who failed to break until after the light had changed to red. the car was stopped LITERALLY in the middle. It wasn't like the car thought they could make the yellow and then realized they couldn't. No, it was quite obvious that the person was just unable to react to the visual stimuli (traffic light). It was so bad that the driver had to put the car in reverse and nearly hit me. In addition, the cars that were driving perpendicular to us had to go around the poorly stopped vehicle. They probably would have been best off running the red.

Reaction time is a critical part of driving. There have been many times that i've had to quickly slam on the breaks, or swerve to avoid a small animal. if your reaction time is slow, then you're only increasing the probability of causing an accident. It's not fair for you, and it's not fair for anyone else that you share the road with.

Separation of church and brain

I am an atheist. I don't believe in a god or a higher power. I don't buy it. I used to be agnostic before i really developed my own thoughts and opinions. I believed in something because I thought that you had to. Neither of my parents are religious. I do not preach my (lack of) beliefs. I respect people who do believe. That's great, if you believe in a higher power and it helps you to guide you in the direction of becoming a better person, then i couldn't be happier for you. I respect that, different people believe different things and who am i to say what's right and what's wrong? HOWEVER! Please do not turn around and try to convert me to believing.

So here's a little story: A few weeks ago, at work, i found myself in a discussion with the teacher and aid that i work with. We were talking about HORSES. (Horses happen to be repulsive to me. Don't like them. They're gross. They are beasts) My teacher mentioned how horses sleep standing up, and commented that she was curious as to why they sleep standing up and wondered if their legs ever got tired. I'd never really thought about that, but it was a funny little thing to think about. I was quick to dismiss it because, frankly, i don't care about horses or if they dislike the fact that they sleep standing up. The aid then said (verbatim) "God has a plan". WHAT?! ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?! HORSES SLEEP STANDING UP BECAUSE GOD HAS A FUCKING PLAN?! You mean to tell me that she is perfectly content in thinking that horses sleep standing up because GOD has a flippin' plan?! this gets a giant 'WHAT THE FUCK?!' I don't care who you are, or what you believe, there's got to be a little more to "God's plan" than that. I nearly fell off my chair at the thought. Of course, i had to jump on the wonderful interwebz and find out the real reason why horses sleep standing up. I'm not going to explain it, but you can feel free to click here and read a fairly basic explanation. And just as you (hopefully) expected, the reason has NOTHING to do with God or his fucking plan.

I'm not going to tell you to not believe in who/whatever you believe in. I'm not going to tell you to hate horses, even if they are the worst. But, I will tell you that you need to be able and willing to back up the things you say with a little more of an explanation than someone you're not entirely positive even exists has a plan. That certainly is NOT why horses sleep standing up.

I really don't even love publicizing my lack of faith. Billy and I have talked about this before. He doesn't believe either. Anytime the question of affiliation comes up, we'll say that we're atheists. every single time we get the same reaction, a look of pity and/or disappointment followed by a comment along the lines of "really?" or "aww, how come?" I don't ask you why you DO believe. i don't go door to door talking about scientific research that happens to explain the happenings of the world. leave us alone. there's plenty of information out there that we can decide for ourselves! I especially love the people who admit that they are unsure of the presence of a higher power, but believe "just in case" (Pascal's Wager). That's nice. Do me a favor and question what you know, because you could be missing out on a lot of information.

how to be the best host[ess] you possibly can

As many of my friends know, I love to cook. I especially love to cook for other people. It's more enjoyable to see people enjoying what I spend my time (and money) preparing, and it's also nice to get compliments when people like your food. When I was younger, I had terrible anxiety about eating over other people's houses because I was such a picky eater. I always keep that in mind when I prepare dinners for my friends and family. Here are some important things to remember when hosting dinner parties.

1. Know who you're feeding.
You're not going to make bacon and eggs for Hasidic Jews. Take into consideration various diet choices and preferences when selecting a meal to prepare. There's nothing more disappointing than to go for dinner and not be able to eat what has been cooked for you. Many people are vegetarians, vegans, and just don't like certain foods. It's a good idea to tell people what you're making, and even be open to modifying your meal to accommodate everyone.

2. Make enough food.
I know that we live in an overindulgent society, but if you're inviting people over for dinner they shouldn't still be hungry when the meal is done. There should be enough food for people to have seconds (if they so desire, that's their prerogative).

3. Cover the various food groups. (or as many as possible)
Just because you don't like vegetables, does not mean other people don't like them either. An easy way to cover this is by preparing a salad of some sort, which happens to be quick AND easy. It is not acceptable to only serve a main dish sans vegetables or starches (rice/potatoes/etc.). A good idea is to reference the food pyramid as a sort of check list.

4. Timing is vital.
If people are coming over at 6, they should not be waiting to eat at 9. Dinner should be nearly finished when guests arrive. I'd say an appropriate wait time is 30 minutes. While they are waiting and you are finishing dinner, there should be drinks or some other entertainment to keep them distracted and out of your kitchen. If you're inviting people over, they are your guests and are not to be employed for kitchen assistance.

5. Set the table.
Have the table already set, so that everyone can sit down and eat when the food is ready. If you will be dining buffet style, make sure you have enough serving dishes and serving spoons.

6. There will be thirst to be quenched.
People get thirsty when they eat. Have soda, beer, or iced tea on hand. Just because you don't drink certain beverages, doesn't mean your guests won't want them. Depending on the event, it's usually okay to denote the evening as B.Y.O.B. (Bring Your Own Beverage/Beer), but they should know ahead of time. If you have a themed dinner, it is extra nice to have a specific beverage that compliments the meal.

7. Desert?
You don't have to prepare an elaborate desert. Ice cream or sherbet is usually enough to please the masses. Especially if you just prepared an elaborate dinner. If you want to bake a cake or a pie, it's a good idea to have it baking while dinner is being eaten. That way it will be ready when people have finished eating, and it will be fresh and warm. Coffee and tea is also a good idea.

8. Volunteers are welcome.
Unless they offer help, a good hostess will not as for help cleaning up. You can do that when the guests leave. If they offer, you can accept, but you should insist that they don't. You made your mess, and you'll clean it too. It's a good idea to clean as you cook. It is unacceptable to have a sink overflowing with dishes because someone will feel compelled to offer help. Never guilt your guests.

*9. Pot-luck (most of the above rules do not apply to this)
When planning a pot-luck dinner, make a list of what people are bringing. A good dinner doesn't consist of 5 different kinds of dinner rolls. It's okay to ask someone to make something different so as to vary the dishes.

10. Enjoy yourself.
It is not a good idea to bite off more than you can chew. Don't plan a dinner party for 15 if it is going to stress you out. It's okay if you're dinner party is small. If you stress throughout the entire preparation, it won't taste as good and you won't enjoy it as much.


If you follow my rules, you will avoid having unhappy or dissatisfied guests, unless your cooking sucks. Don't invite people over for dinner if you can't cook.

for serial!

i'm going to take it down a notch from my failed attempts at wit and humor and redirect my ramblings towards self-help. everyone else has offered up their thoughts on the rihanna/chris brown debacle, i don't know all the details of that specific ordeal, but i have some strong opinions on the issue at hand.

i am not and have never been in an abusive relationship. my parents were never abusive towards me. i don't think i've ever been abusive towards someone else. there is never a situation where it is okay for someone to hit you, hurt you, or put you into a compromising position. i know people who've been sexually abused, pretty much every girl i know has been on the receiving end of some form of unwarranted sexual reference, and i know several guys who have been blackmailed and/or guilted by crazy women. it happens on both sides, it's not just men beating women. trust is a really important aspect in any relationship. once that bond is broken, it is virtually impossible to repair. if your significant other cheats on you, it is more than likely that they will do it again. similarly, if the person you are with hits you or degrades you in any way, shape, or form, it will not end there. you are DELUSIONAL if you think that they are going to change. additionally, you are allowing yourself to live in a volatile relationship if you remain with that person. it doesn't matter what they say to you when you're alone. it doesn't matter what he buys you. if someone is endangering your physical and mental state, then there is nothing they can do to redeem themself. your significant other should be able to treat you the same in public as they do in private. like i said, i've never been the victim, but i know how it feels to have someone take advantage of me. it's horrible, and i know it's hard to walk away from that person, but your life is never going to improve by sticking with someone who is able to treat you badly at all. women are typically worse than men because men are, by nature, more independent than women. girls, you just gotta suck it up and be single. it's not the end of the world, and you'll be better in the end. don't let this person convince you that you can't live without them, especially if it's with black eyes. if he betrays your once, HE WILL DO IT AGAIN. i promise.

Watchmen

cough! cough! as many of you know, i've had droves of crappy days at work. my class is pretty awful and i'm also not loving the staff either. so today, i took a half-day off because i had a "doctors appointment". it's extremely difficult to write with sarcasm, so i'll come out and admit it here, i did not really go to the doctor. instead, we went to see the watchmen.

it was good. i can't really decide how i feel. sometimes i feel like really popular actors do too much and it's hard to believe them as the role their playing, so i like that there were lesser known actors in leading roles. however, i didn't really care about any of the characters. at one point i was curious as to how the movie was going to resolve the problem at hand, but i didn't especially care about what happened to the specific people involved. maybe i would have felt differently if it were a better-known actor or actress. the songs used in the film were very cliche and just seemed a little too popular to be used in this specific movie. it really is true that the music and soundtrack affects how you perceive what you're watching.don't get me wrong, i like most (if not all) of the songs, but i just wouldn't have chosen them out of the millions of songs out there. it just added a little too much "cheese" to the entire story. playing "hallelujah" during the soft-core porn sex scene was just terrible, it was hard to not laugh/feel like i was doing something wrong by watching. i'm not sure whether the movie was meant to be cheesy or was just tried too hard to appeal to people unfamiliar with the watchmen. i know it's based on a comic book and isn't real, but certain parts were just lame, such as the sex scene. i wish they would have explained rorschach a bit more, i had no idea what was going on with his mask. luckily, billy was able to explain that to me afterwards. i think i'm gonna read the original so that i can better understand.

all in all, it was good. not great, but not bad either. it wasn't a wasted day. i enjoyed it. it would have been better if billy didn't have to get up and move in the first 30 seconds. some fat lady came in and was on her cell phone which distracted him, he moved to a different seat because he didn't want to miss anything. i thought he was going to move back, but didn't. also, i had to get up and use the bathroom part of the way through. it's very long. i would advise you to avoid drinking anything before or during, otherwise you're probably going to need to get up too.

I can do the failure which it has?

amidst my internet travels, i have come across some great [sub]sites. on the top of i can has cheeseburger (LOLcats) there's 8 or 9 links tabs. two noteworthy tabs are fail and engrish. they're similar to lolcats, in that there's one theme throughout and it's basically just pictures and videos.

fail blog has pics and vids of fails

so for example,
this is funny because it's supposed to be the glowing finger of the loveable 80's movie character, E.T. It's funny because it looks like a vibrator.

For those of you who don't know what "engrish" is, urban dictionary offers some really good explanations. i've conveniently linked it for you. i really enjoy this site because i often replace my "L"s with "R"s (especially when talking to Birri (Billy, if you're an r-tard)), and i love hello kitty, which pretty much seals the deal in my appreciation of japanese culture. so, on this site, people can post images and videos of ironic and poorly translated japanese to english statements. for example,

it's pretty safe to assume that whoever made that shirt just took a japanese phrase and punched it into babelfish or a similar translation program and printed whatever came out. for those of us who took a language in high school or college, we know that such programs translate word for word. this is ineffective because different languages organize sentences and phrases much differently. also, words don't always have the same connotation in different languages. on top of that, we have a lot of homonyms in our language and meaning is easily lost. so yeah, it's humorous to laugh at the short-comings of other cultures! (in "engrish": That is in order to ridicule the fault of humorous other culture!)

by the by

i went to the library yesterday. i got a library card. i walked around and couldn't find the scholarly journals, so i perused the comic books and graphic novels. then i left. i wound up doing my research on the east brunswick public library website. it's so great that i don't actually have to go there to utilize the resources!

Willkommen! Bienvenue! Welcome!

i'm going to try to reignite this thing...it had a very short-lived run in the past. i'm pretty much jumping back on the bandwagon, but it makes sense since so many of my friends live a trillion million kabillion miles away from me. also i'm pretty much the worst phone person ever, as per the fact that i'm socially awkward. sooooooo, yeah, let's see how long i maintain this again. it's like when i was little and i told myself that i was going to write in a diary because it seemed like something that little girls did. i would write something stupid like "i painted my nails today and i got some nail polish on my finger. i hate when that happens." and then i would never write again until months later when i remembered that i had a stupid diary.