review? resolution?

Well, in all it's cliche'd glory, 2009 has come and gone. It was a good year. I'm not going to go month by month, but i'll talk about some major moments.

February- Me and Billy's 1 year. We're winding down on year 2...and I foresee a lot of anniversaries in our future.
March- Only a select few know about the huge loss my family experienced, but it was an unbelievable gift for another family. I don't think I'll ever forget about this, and there are times when I'm filled with sadness, but I can't let the sadness outweigh the gift this was for that family.
April- I turned 25 and we moved out into our own apartment. Best birthday present ever. Unfortunately, Billy had to go to training in Ohio for a week and left on my birthday, so I was left alone in our apartment for the first week "we" were living here. It was sad to be alone, but it was just a week alone. I'm pretty sure that we're going to re-sign our lease for another year here.
May- Completed my first year back in college. I'd only taken 2 classes each semester, but I did very well. I think I needed to see myself succeed, even if only in small increments, in order to be motivated to really push forward.
August/September- I no longer work at the school, but I was given the amazing opportunity to put my focus on college and take a full course load. The success I had in my first two semesters back in college gave me no reason to doubt my future success.
October- Billy turned 26. He never let people fuss over him, but I made sure he had a great birthday. Also(!), Emma included us in Mama D's surprise birthday party. I was able to have a night with some of my closest friends and got to talk to some amazing people.
November/December- We bought our first Christmas tree, and we each put our own touch on it. We ate so many delicious home-cooked meals. Most importantly, we completely over-indulged in some good, quality family time...I don't think anyone can deny how healthy and important this is.
I don't remember exactly when this happened, but it's equally noteworthy- I reconnected with Donna. We're both spending more quality time together and are back to how we used to be- before college and boyfriends and nonsense got in the way.
- I began blogging again. It's a great outlet, and apparently, people claim to enjoy what I have to say.

I usually make a resolution and am great at keeping it, but I haven't been able to come up with a good one for 2010 (trust me, i've been thinking). I think this year I'm going to focus on life changes. Short of a disaster, I will graduate in December. At this point, it's not so much a goal, but is moreso a date. It's going to happen. I can't think of any reason why it's not going to happen. So I'm not going to be cheap and say that my resolution is to graduate because it's going to happen. I'm going to work on saving my money and effectively planning for my/our future. I don't have a lot of money, but I certainly know how to spend it. I want to try different recipes, cook more often and read more.

The past year has been great, and the next year holds nothing but opportunities. Bad things may happen to people, but how one handles what is dealt to them is how all situations differ. I'm hoping to have a lot of wonderful experiences, but I also hope that if someone lousy should happen, that I am able to learn from it and move forward possitively...not fixate on the past. I hope the same for anyone that reads this. Spend time with your family. Cherish your friends. Happy New Year!

[He] didn't make me miserable, or anxious, or ill at ease. You know, it sounds boring, but it wasn't.

It made sense to pool our collective loathing for the opposite sex, and while we were at it, you get to share a bed with somebody at the same time. We were frightened of being left alone for the rest of our lives. Only people of a certain disposition are frightened of being alone for the rest of their lives at the age of 26, and we were of that disposition.

Both of those quotes (the title and above) are from High Fidelity (the movie, not the book- which I've yet to read, but is apparently better than the movie...*shocking*) The jist of the movie, if you've never seen it, is that John Cusack's character was just dumped and in a therapeutic way is reconnecting with his "top 5" breakups to figure out what went wrong and what it all meant. Ultimately, he realizes that his most recent girlfriend, Laura, is who he wants to be with. I'm not going to spoil the ending, in case you're planning on seeing it (which i highly recommend), but the point of my post is not to summarize a movie. And my intentions are not to review a film that is nearly 10 years old. I am going to talk about the quote i started this with (not the title) in reference to life.

Earlier today i spoke to one of my friends on the phone, I won't say who because that's not the important part (even though she is a very important person). She's been dating people for the past few years and is distressed because she still hasn't found "the one". I know that i'm obviously biased because I am coming up on 2 years with Billy, and we have discussed our long-term plans together. And in addition, a number of my friends are in committed long-term relationships. So anyway, my friend had been in a number of "serious" relationships, none of which really turned into anything and she is currently single. She's dated a bunch of people, but none of them turned into anything serious, and I'm afraid she's scaring them off. Coincidentally, she's been dating a lot of people who've just gotten out of long relationships, so most of them aren't really ready for anything serious right yet. I kind of feel like she puts the fate of her future in every guy she dates, like every single guy has the potential of being "the one". I guess it's kind of a valid argument, but at the same time I think she's subconsciously rushing these relationships to the comfort-zones that people settle into once they've been together for a while- not just 2 or 3 months.

None of my friend's (more recent) relationships have gone past the "dating" stage into the "boyfriend/girlfriend" titles, and I think they're getting scared off. She has these big plans for when she does begin dating someone that they'll date for a few years, get married at or around age 30, and then have children. I can understand where these "plans" come from, she went to college, went to grad school, got a job, so what's next? Logically, the only thing left is a relationship, picket fence, 2.5 children, etc. I think a lot of people have plans like these, I know I moreorless do, but I've also learned that things don't always happen in a distinct order and time limit...especially things that we only have partial control over. It's taking me nearly 8 years to complete my bachelors degree, and I still have a full year left! What I'm getting at is that while it's very important to set goals and limits for yourself, you have to be able to allow for some deviation when you don't have control over the outcome. What happens if you don't reach your goal? Douglas Adams couldn't have said it any better, "I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by". To say that you want to be married by 30 or have 2.5 kids by 30 or to whatever by whatever age may be a good estimate for how you see your future, but you can't hold yourself to those ages because it's dependent upon other people and unforeseen circumstances that are inevitably going to come up in your future. I guess what I'm trying to say is that goals are great, but you also have to live spontaneously. Don't freak out if you're 24 and single because you're still young and have a world of opportunity ahead of you.

in sickness and in health

Billy has told me several times what his idea of love is. I find it to be one of the most beautiful stories that anyone has ever told me. I think that everyone should have the privilege of hearing it as well, so I'm going to write it here.

A little background- Billy's grandfather and father both are named William. His grandfather was a marine and I've never heard a bad thing about the man. Billy has never been able to tell me a story about his grandfather without tearing up. His grandfather was as close to him as I was to my grandmother, so I'm able to relate to him very closely regarding an incredible loss.

After having a heart attack, Billy's grandfather wound up in a coma in the hospital. His (Billy's) grandmother was by his side at the hospital and took care of him until the end. She shaved him when he was scruffy because he was always a very well-put-together man and shaved daily. She wanted the family (and anyone else who came to see him) to see him as he would want to be seen. She loved him so much that even in a coma state she made it her only priority to do whatever he would have done on his own. So when Billy and his family visited at the hospital to say their final good-byes, their final memory of their grandfather, father, uncle, etc. was of how he was any other day. They never saw him looking differently. Because of her love for him, Billy's grandmother set aside her heartbreak, in an effort to preserve his memory for everyone else.

I know that he has used that image to set the bar for his own life and love. I think about that story very often, and while I don't want to imagine myself in similar circumstances, I would hope that I would handle myself in such a truly dignified fashion. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.

autumn divers

I'm a really big fan of seasonal recipes and cooking the fruits and vegetables that are locally grown, and readily available. I'm a huge pomegranate and cranberry fanatic. I found the most delicious pomegranate green tea, buried in with my stuff from work (which i've yet to unpack). It's made by The Republic of Tea and is totally worth the money. It has a really beautiful smell and the pomegranate adds just enough sweetness that it's delicious without adding anything to it. I've also been eating apples and dried cranberries like its my job, they are an excellent accent to almost anything i've been eating. I'm excited because Thanks Giving is coming up, and this will be the first year that Billy and I will have our own kitchen to cook in for the holiday. We're not going to change our family plans on the actual day, but we've been throwing around the idea of having some of our friends come over for a pre-thanks giving feast. His friends celebrate "Friendsgiving" every year with a pot-luck feast, which was fun, but I'd really like to cook up a meal and invite people to come and relax while I do my thing. We shall see about that. I'm very excited to start baking with apples and pumpkins, as I just melt from the scent of nutmeg and cinnamon. I definitely love the warmer weather better, but the autumn holiday season is such a good excuse to get together and cook and most importantly, eat! Plus, I get to wear all of my sweaters.

I'm really happy to be back in school. I was thinking earlier about how I have no idea where I went wrong with school. I'm not sure when or why exactly I fell so far behind, but ultimately I'm not losing sleep over this and frankly, I'm happy. Billy and I are wonderful, we're always laughing and having fun. Yes, we have our hiccups, but nothing that's set us back at all. I always comment on how it doesn't seem like most other couples have nearly as much fun as we do. I think thats incredibly important in a relationship. We take care of the serious stuff, all of our responsibilities, we talk about stuff that we need to, but we still joke and play around most of the time. If you can't have fun with someone, how the hell are you going to be able to do anything else with that person?

Lovely Letters

Billy and I have gotten in the habit of writing each other little notes of encouragement and love letters. Because he's on shift work, and I have classes 4 nights each week, we don't have as much quality time with each other. I started doing it at first because he seemed to be bummed out and down on himself so I would sneak a note in with his lunch or hidden in whatever book he was currently reading because it always feels better to stumble upon something like that when you're least expecting it. Also, I'll tape a little note to the bathroom mirror when he's working nights for him to see when he first gets home in the morning. The other night he told me how much he likes being surprised by my notes and that he saves them all to reread when he's lonely at work or is feeling lousy. He keeps them hanging in the bathroom, or on the fridge, or wherever I stuck it...so if you ever see papers hanging throughout the apartment, that's what they are. He writes me notes too, one time we had a fight and i was taking a nap and woke up to a lengthy letter apologizing. Other times, he'll hide them on me like I try to do to him. I think our little notes to each other have really helped our relationship because it has only contributed to our wonderful communication, and sometimes it's easier to write things on paper. We both really like to make each other feel good, especially on days when we're not in the greatest moods.